DAy 589: selfish

you lied to your mother when you told her you hated her
the first 100 times
until you meant it
held that kind of ugly in your vocal chords
spit it out
cuz you didnt like the taste
couldn't be strong enough to keep it to yourself
you were selfish
wrong
and young
all things you couldnt control then
but whats your excuse now
in your forgetting
when there are 100 times you could love her in words
but the words
beautiful as they are
get caught in the back of your throat
and you
selfish still
and young
want to keep something sweet like that to yourself
worried that letting it go,
might means you have nothing beautiful left