Day 3: Muted Instrumentals

I was young on the first night I came to the melody of your body

A tone deaf amateur marveling from the center of a symphony

I wanted to be your amphitheater

But my hands were too muddled and muddied

I never leaned to stack the walls of this fortress properly

I did not deserve the company of the monument men built in your shade

I spent 4 years hiding in the shadow of the shrine of your desire

I was not vast enough to hold all your water

I was not deep enough to quench your thirst

It was only a matter of time until I buckled under the weight

Of trying to feed you without going dry

It was not a surprise when you left

Every time

But it was a shattering

It was a tsunami

It was an eclipse

You were the sun

And I was the cold side of the moon

Cast into the silver sea of the universe

Forgetting my reasons to swim

So I waited

And waited

And waited

For your rescue

For your embrace

For your return

Slinging fists into the rock walls you built to keep me out

And when you didn’t

When I was your second thought

Your backup plan

Your muted instrumental

The lover to the love of all your lives

I wrote books for the ways I knew that I was too small

I destroyed a city for every memory that tempted me to believe otherwise

And cast every plan I had in the back of my head out into the breaking waves

I sat in the vibration of futures shattering against the shore and walked away

Now, I am older and more vast

But I am not so sure I believe  

That any ocean of mine

Will ever be enough to feed

again