Friday, August 28, 2009

Day 39: vinyl

she has proven in her actions

that i am only truly beautiful enough for love when i am broken

only desirable when i am in too many pieces to hold in two hands

i was hauled away into love while shattered and then dropped at my own doorstop when i was too easily held

to conformable

too much healed

and i am not yet shattered

but i think she believe that is she breaks me she might love me enough again to fix me

darling, my heart is not that simple

its beat is not perfect it scratches like vinyl against the inside of my chest

it follows no metronome other than its own

i know i am new to this feeling

but i like being hole

and i cannot break myself again for your happiness and comfort

i cannot play this game of go away dont leave me

i cannot handle the similarities

i understand im the one who fucked up first

but you said you would wait for me to grow

and when i did you realized that if i am bigger than you, you dont actually want me.

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