Day 816: 34 days, 14 hours, 48 minutes

give me a moment for the distance
to settle on the back of my tongue
before you leave
a second to watch the walls surrounding my body crumble in your departure
a minute to adjust to the bitter bite of it all
how it doesnt settle
its toxic burn
contaminates every part of me
a day to get used to this displacement
the pull of wanting you closer but not being able to reach out to you

just a few of these
get me to tomorrow
to next week
to some obscure date in the future
that only exists on calendars
today
i feel like all i am is counting backwards
all this is
is cat and mouse
you chase me
ill chase you back
but where's home base when all we have are miles between us
something about it doesnt settle
even this poem
has no direction
and something about me feels like cracking
down the center
a fracture to bring in the morning
wishing you would take a step closer to hold me together
with your hands like ivy
come here and heal the parts of me that never learned to live in pieces
never learned to smile through the mess like you do
i cannot seem to pretend

when you came to me
you forgot to mention the miles written into your loves lines
the deception you forgot to mention
that you'd be able to love me like this
not worried that it may tear me apart
it makes me feel like moving
like running
like turning around and screaming
taking on this distance
make it tangible
cuz now
all it is
is google maps on repeat
travelosity on my favorites
constantly
checking
checking
checking
wondering when the fairs will be low
and the time right
to give you a moment of me whole
before i return to this side of the country
where its always warm
everything is beautiful
and i am in pieces
counting
counting
counting