Sunday, January 6, 2013

I avoid this city

i avoid this city
tred lightly on the cracks of its concrete
not wanting to leave a mark
not wanting to be remembered
to give any part of myself away
i have worked far to hard for every inch of this body
i shake myself hoping not to carry the dust of this shattering glass ceiling home

i desire very little of it all
spend so much of my time
unwilling in the face of change
maybe growth too
definitely of anything resembling service to this city
i am a caged and hardened skin of a woman

and iʻve seen what a place this loud and fast can do
seen the way it has warped the bodies and minds of my own people
how they are often made stronger and better for it
how being stronger to them
means forgetting and failing to return
i am not interested in that kind of strength
i did not come here to be changed
i do not intend to become desired enough that i am asked to stay
i did not affix my name to that kind of contract

i am selfish in my pursuit
coming only to take
and observe
and i find it hard to be ashamed
after so many years
of trying to make the tracks of foreign interest disappear from the sands i call home
i find it so hard to feel selfish
when looking to the past for an excuse my for action
i find it so hard, sometimes
and im glad
because anything easier might
encourage me to stay

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