Thursday, June 30, 2011

DAy 711: ill see you tomorrow?

there is so much pressure to be right
for you
that i've forgotten what is right
for me
and maybe they were once the same
maybe today
things have changed.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Day 710: physics

3 things i know to be true

on the mornings i awake without the feeling of your breath on my skin
something about my body breaks
is was skeleton
fractured into a thousand pieces
every part of me forgot the texture of your promises
there are parts of this body you tricked out of breathing
some mornings
i resent you for it
i only cry

the distance we've managed to force between our bodies
is not a measure of the strength of our love
a measure of what we are willing to put each other through
to have what we want

there is nothing beautiful about a broken heart
strung across a clothes line
nothing magical about the way you say goodbye
nothing about this sings me to sleep
nothing about you knows how to hold me from where you are
nothing here is forever


we made promises that tried to defy the laws of physics
but every morning that i wake up
and cannot fly
is one day closer to realizing

this may be as good as it gets

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Day 709: puzzle

if the pieces dont fit
try a new mold
a new set
the parts you thought could never break
when something that big changes
we evolve
or break under the weight of our own making

Monday, June 27, 2011

Day 708: never get back

3 songs i sang to your morning

you are the tremble under my skin when i am taken to dream land
the shock through my body
the reminder of movement and being free
something to be looking forward to
something to keep my eyes off the tracks
off the past

thunder and pleiades
the planets aligning perfectly
the crisp on the tip of your lips
the crackle in your kiss
the broken parts of these bodies finding homes
something solid
rock like
home base
safety shade
the things we remember from childhood games

i love yous that arent enough
the words we use to try to take their place
the space we fill in the meantime
the future we cant help but build in our minds
the present that tears us apart
the past thats not any better
everything we ever wondered
a spark set to the tint of your eyes

these are the songs i sing to your morning
these are the parts of me
ill never get back
even if i asked

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Day 707: Terisa

to the girl with a kaleidoscope heart
and a sundyle for a ribcage
a compass for palms
a mast of a voice
a sale bent in the small of her back
you are all the parts of home
i never fail to leave without
faded pennies with years 1990
because someone once told me it was lucky to carry the year of your birth in the bottom of your pocket
i listened
not knowing how heavy carrying all of that with me would be
how i would sink
under the weight of
quarters with Kings and phrases said by their son's son's
the lashes of a thousands sunny mornings
the songs of all my fathers
i've found them all hidden in your touch
and the poems you seem to write me in each glance

when i told you we were once lovers
i meant
that i have found parts of your body that someone left behind in my creation
i meant
that when i sing
sometimes your voice stings at the back of my throat
i meant
that every part of my journey seems to brings me closer and further away from you
and i feel every step we take in either direction
like a tug at the hairs at the back of my neck

when i said i love you
i meant
that my hands seem to fit around yours
like somedays i must be a ocean
trying to cover someone insisting on staying grounded
i meant
on the mornings i wake up naturally
i see you scraping through the horizons
trying to find your way home
and i am too enchanted by your journey
to guild you in any direction

when you cried
and i didnt reply
i was sending curses to all the gods that seem to have left us behind
to create something of their mistakes
i was busy being angry at the world
and the parts of it that dare to anything but embrace every bit of who you are

when i wrote you a poem
i tore it to pieces
i took the slivers
and hung each on a different clothes line
they turned wet and withered in the sun
i watched them as they learned to fly
and fall,
in time

when i said forever
i meant that when i die
i hope every bit of you
that is still alive
attaches a story to a part of me to carry into the earth
i hope you remember that compasses arent always true
and sometime you have to leave your hands to themselves
and follow the Mysterious objects in the distance
sparkling like the sunlight
through a sundyle
thats too broken to tell you any time other than now

to the girl with a san satined fever
and a mist for a song
i woke up this morning looking for your palms
for your voice and the small of you back
something to take me away
but all i found were diamonds twisting in the sun
rhinestones twirling smoke signal through my mind
telling me
its gonna be alright

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Day 706: Chloe and Keala

"The things i know by heart"

1. when my car starts
there is a rattling under my feet
it sounds like the restlessness you swept under the sheets the last night you kissed me
smells like burnt butter
sour milk
and all the promises we never intended to keep
like forever
and all the days between

every time i say or hear the world beautiful
i think of a girl who is always at least one breath too far away from this body
if i could i would let us combust just at the chance to touch every part of her at once
she is the stain on my favorite t-shirt
the warm spot on the back of my neck
the kink in my tattoo
every imperfection that i carry like a promise for tomorrow
like a glimpse into eternity

the callouses on my fathers hands
fingertips left burnt by the brush of a steel
the way he can make the world sing
his reminder of our miraculousness
being constantly changed by it,
our humanity

every morning i wake up next to you
is another day i spend
thinking of new ways to carry a part of you in my body
new ways to love a baby into this belly
that crack the foundations of every building that was built to separate our palms
tear the binding of every bible that did us wrong
every god that broke its promise

languages to say i love you in
each one a different song
a different promise
its own expiration date
all but one

6. may 18th
june 29
july 4th
june 12th
the day i was born
and all the times i thought i might die
the few times when i was almost right
and the way looking for air brought me to you

brush fires and floods
tsunamis siren at lunchtime
screamed carried over the pacific
a hollow phoneline during dinner
233, 000 dead
and counting
my computer screams recoil
the drills we never took seriously
and the bodies floating to the surface
belly up
like minnows
no chance of survival

30 poems
and a phone number to call when not a single one is the right way back home
the trails we forgot to mark
the rain that told us we might be lost forever
the things i've written in the margins
in the darkness
and hid on the table
kept hidden from even myself

a empty sky on a friday night
the way the stars seem to be crashing down
every time you forget to call at just the right time
the moments i spend thinking of all the beautiful things we've never done
and the days we no longer have to fill with secrets

your silence in the morning
the wrinkle in your wrist
the fuzz under your chin
the kisses we sent to the moon
the indent of your fingertips on my left thigh
the craters your breathe left behind
the hole thats staring us down
the nights we slept alone because we wanted to
and the ones we didnt

the things we thought should make us happy
the drugs that didnt quite do it
the kisses that weren't enough
the arms that couldn't hold you
the words that fell short of boston
the packages i never put in the mailbox
the letters i never replied
the ocean that only pulled us home
the morning i woke up alone
the week i woke up alone
the months we called alone
the years ill spend trying to find us
under all the secrets we covered
theres something there behind the darkness
i can hear it coming closer
like the tides been truned around
you are falling further away
and i am forgetting your scent
forgetting the way home

the things i know by heart
are the things that kept us tangled
they seemed to have all changed
over night

Friday, June 24, 2011

Day 705: inspired by Hannah

"family talks arent included when you can afford rehab"
so we've purchased a silent space for our darkest demons
its measured in miles across the pacific
and in the minutes it takes to strike up a normal conversation
the hours spent
checking the sky for falling objects
when you were sure the heavens were crashing down on you
they must think you are crazy
for keeping your eyes locked
all we found was rain drops
left on the sides of your cheeks
and a picture you snapped with a smile
and a girl too beautiful to be anywhere near the messes we've made
its miraculous
the amount of universe we've destroyed
with just your lips
and the silence stretched between them
the moments full of waiting holding our tongues
in the back of our throats
learning to swallow or gag ourselves in the discomfort
its all over now
you are the miles
and i am the time
and there no tide to bring us closer
just distance
just the money we flung to the horizon
when every part of our bodies was broken and needed to be re-assembled
we purchased the shiniest tickets
and the strongest parts
not knowing at all
how to piece everything
back together

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Day 704:

spent a year trying to teach myself how to hold parts of genius here
to call upon
when the wells gone dry
but here it is
and the street is simmering
and i aint got nothing but rewritten lines
nothing new is born in this heat
just beats broken agaisnt itself in the silence of morning

there is a mirror somewheres in your skin
that remembers to tell the time
even when our bodies forget how to count down the minutes
something in you tells me parts of all the secrets we've shared
keep me waiting
for more genius too spill over my body
there are so many beginnings
but no endings

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Day 703:

Everyone here
Wants me for a minute
Or too
Or forever in a few years
No one wants me now
Wants to stay through the morning
I’ve been told
Im either the kind to have for a night
Or forever that no ones ready for

Im a picture poster on the back of you mind
That doesn’t fade
Just stays dust covered
Til you are reader to wipe clearn
These are the stories ive found on your body
In the words you forget to say
I keep myself awake to your silence
And the aprts of our love that still haunt me
Some nights
Even when in the day
Things seem alright

Day 702: Man V. Machine 2

When I was thirteen I realized I had too many emotions for this body
So I starting flinging parts of myself in every direction
At anyone who would listen
Hold bits of my in their palsm
Sometimes I could get under there skin
Make them think love
Comes flying at a million miles per second
that I was something they could hold

look at me
I am only pieces of a person
Barely strong enough to stand here
Fragments of stories on loves
Only the parts that no one wanted to keep
The words and things they flug back at my body
Check under your skin
You’ll probably find a part of me there you didn’t even understand
Until now

Monday, June 20, 2011

Day 701: in 29 days

next year
i wanna revise a poem a day for a year
learn to finish something i've begun
for the past two
all i've learned is how to run
every beginning
i've made
was a dead end i've been too afraid to face
i turn 180s faster than someone can break my line breaks
every turn
is a mistake
a run in the wrong direction
for fear
of what
im not completely sure
i just know
thats the uncertainty
the not knowing
what story lies at the end of these lines
is killing me

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Day 700:

The 700 club
is a show that plays on abc family
during the early mornings
where old white guys
and sometimes gals
rap on
the way old white people can
about how the worlds going to shit
aint nothing going right with a black president
makes you wonder
what club
would let us rap along ourself
slinging our side of these stories
cuz aint nothing been right when a black presidency
is something out of te ordinary

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Day 699: questions

how many times do i have to scream
that something is wrong with this body
before someone, my self included

Friday, June 17, 2011

Day 698: tracks tracks tracks

you taught me to write
using anything
as long as it was honest
true to the parts of me that were never and always changing
and i found my story
in the cracks you left
under the weight of your brilliance
beneath the cast of your shadow

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Day 697: airports

stick like sweat on the back of your neck
like the ground is falling beneath them
this place
wreaks of mistakes
and secrets
and people running
running back and away
from someone they loved
a place they couldn't stay
couldnt make
things work
so someone had to break
these grounds
are built this way
to hold the weight of men
who have forgotten
how to stay

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Day 696:

its been a year since i've written anything worthy of a stage
these pages
get thinner with every line
and something gets left behind
when i am taken
i want something to speak through these margins
makes someone believe there is more than just our bodies
and the stories our mothers told us
made us wonder enough
to ever try

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Day 695: D-bag

when i see you next
i hope the scent of his breathe is wiped free from your skin
i dont know how much of his reminder i can hold here
without combustion

Monday, June 13, 2011

Day 694: cliche

thin threads dont hang
they break
bodies that fall
are too heavy to sway
straw never cracked her back
it was the globe that was slapped there
found these foundations to be unsteady
while we waited
for our bodies o turn rubber
from the rubble
so maybe
we could bend
instead of break

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Day 693: pretty sure

im pretty sure
you do not come around here anymore
but i wanted to say
in case you stumble here during dream
before i can reach you
i love you just as deeply as ever
every part of me is in transit
trying to find myself closer to your heart
make a home there
for two

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Day 692: Remembering you

you are a woman
i will never claim to forget
not even for a second
but some days
your memory goes dormant
and in the moment that you shoot forward
to the tips of my skin
every parts of me is sent to 97
and the promises we made to each other then
not knowing how real dying can be so serious
that promises
dont hold us into the morning
we dont hold
into the morning
we dont hold
we just wait
for the flashes of memory
for the moments
when you are strongest
in my mind
when you are gripping something inside of me
too tight for me to think of anything else
i am a slave to the sound of your voice
in the middle of the night
and the memories
of promises
you forgot to tell me
we couldn't expect to keep

Friday, June 10, 2011

Day 691:

you never know what you have
till it threatened to leave

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Day 690: idk

i do not fit here
i am too big
too loud
too much
of everything
they are little of
there are parts of you i am too much in love with
for any of this to matter

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Day 689: split cell

every day
i am one step closer
i can feel roots springing from my feet
as if i've left parts of them under water for weeks
i am ready for this dirt
this green
the parts so many people remember but do not understand

my hands tho
do not remember your touch
your kiss
the way you wash over me
they want only to hold her
into the morning
every cell in this body is split between
my home
and my love

Monday, June 6, 2011

Day 688:

it is soe easy to forget we live in a world
outside of these bodies

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Day 687:

you are not the sun
i can feel you still
in the night

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Day 686: goodbies

i can feel you
ripping parts of me with you

feels like an involuntary spasm
where every part of my body is cracking

taste like the kisses we forgot to cherish
in the middle of darkness
there are so many moments like these
where parts of you seep into me
and everything hurts
everything tries to push me into your atmosphere
it wont let me free

then you leave
the gravity shatters
and parts of me soar
in every direction

Friday, June 3, 2011

Day 685:

we tore our hearts in half
as if we were meant to be broken
split across the ocean
our love
was a penny you wished on
forgotten at the bottom of a fountain
a secret that we couldn't contain

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Day 684:

i've got my eyes on the prize
dont fake at surprised
turned your lies double timed
everything about me rhymes
its time
you know i've got the secrets down on lock
read your body like a clock
throwing everything you got at me
thinking itll make me stops
youre playing game like its free
an love arcade
turned fallacy

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

DAy 683: down

are every promises i ever have and will make
every secret i cannot bring my lips to slip
there are parts of you
i havent learned to pronounce yet
havent learned to hold
when you sleep
i am a sunrise that is stuck under the horizon trying to break free
trying to break
the foundation of this universe is a marble temple
its god
is a falling star
its deciples
a blade of grass
you and i
are just the sky falling