Thursday, April 3, 2014

Thick Love

The first night we kissed
I found myself split in two

I am the skeleton of a woman who has never been loved
I am a trusting heart in the shaky hands of sirens
I am love so vast is overcomes
It supernovas
And crashes into itself
I am
But she
Is gone
And I know what alone is
I know a night so black
It speaks
I know a darkness so thick
It sings
I am the shed skin of a wolf
Howling at the moon marked at your door
Looking for her body
Looking for a way to hold

I cannot stop looking at the creases in your palms
With my eyes closed
I can feel the way they leave lines on my arms
Mapping me with your every move
Show the places to be loved
Point out the potential
Here I come hurling myself in your direction
breaking my body into a thousands crashing waves at your ankles
you like the way  my water crashes over you
I thought that meant I could stay
Could be held

iʻve been trying to find a way to bring these two bodies back together
been feeling like something significant was lost in the shatter
Most nights
I lie Awake
How to steal the night from your hair
Just a piece of the darkness
To cover my body
To feel like I might still belong to something that will wrap its whole self around me
Its been so long since you’ve been here
And so long
Since I’ve believed you were coming back

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Once Shes Gone; a To do list

you used to wake up early
unfold the day with the sun
chase its shine til dusk
compress as much life as you can 
into the limits of these segments
these days the clock stays still
you hear the sun ticking over the horizon
and instead
of leaping to the day
you turn over
you feel there is no shine left to chase
it all fell on the spine of a lizard 
that didn’t want or know how to stay

youʻve been pretending to sleep for 3 hours
you are officially bored out of your lonely
terrorized away from you sheets
do not wish to stew in your own darkness any longer
you retreat 
force yourself into the world
trust the memory of her breath on your neck back 
onto the cold side of your pillow
there is no room for this kind of memory
you are weak
and it is 
too heavy

keep your body too busy to hold this grief 
sweat all your salt 
a tear could crack you
do not let yourself be shattered

you have no choice 
this body is an heirloom 
it is not yours to destroy

Give yourself 1 full our to miss her
but do not let the hour spill into the evening 
remember the words written on the walls of your love 
remember the way she left
and how you had to keep secret whatever love was left
the way you were made to keep quiet
their was no patience left in her wake
so its just you
and the mornings you are forced to come to 
and the way all this silence 

you failed
let the sorrow fall through
might as well make your way back to the bed
there is no light that will cut through this absence 
might as well sleep
or pretend to
try again tomorrow

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

When she says she is leaving

When she finally tells you she leaving
Do not
Do not lose
yourself to salt
Do not let her
Scared of the ways
You cannot hold
Any of this

When she tells you she is leaving
Do not wait for the space she will create
There is no hurricane that can undo this rains wake
Find yourself a corner of this universe
And drown