Monday, December 2, 2013

660million Km3

On the night we collided
We were skyscrapers
Then paper planes
Crumpled notes passed between lovers in study hall
we learned to share new space
learned to hold my body still

On the first night I slept in your arms
My whole skeleton was quiet
Wishing not to wake the sense from your skin
Maybe you’ll let me stay
If I cover my voice with the darkness
Maybe you’ll forget
I'm not him
And pull me close
At midnight
You did

Four days later I was back in my own bed
Struck by a silence so strong
It filled my room like a song
Flinging secrets to the ceiling
Old paper plane models
You might have found it amusing

The second night you slept in his arms
I found myself waking with a scream
I called out your name
But you were no one close
A million breaths away from my body
No wind to carry your scent to me

We are laying in our mattress
In the center of the pacific ocean
We are a whole sea of islands
Clothed and parted
660 mil km3 of water
salt separating skin
for the first time
in months
we are two bodies
tides pulled
in opposite directions

I am soaked in the salt of mistakes
And you
Are brown skin
Covered in cloth
Too cold
To be touched


i know the way silence grips
clasped against esophagus
all answers from diverted eyes
Are lies
breaths meant to cloak the quiet with comfort
will cause
Even the mightiest to crumble

the look of fear
to stay
for fear
not to be left alone
will love as less than deserved
will give quiet and kisses
will not stay
as long as you hope

I know the promise to run
To acknowledge the leave before the quakes
Before you are left with space
But who has ever regretted trying to tie love sill steel fingertips
Those who have tried to make the crumbling stick?

The only tears we remember
Are the ones that fell
When we realized our cowardice
In walking away

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Dont let go

Not many will love like me
Unfurl their whole ocean
Damnless heart
Will surrender the moon
And every part of them with the potential to pull

But you want a soft
Easy love
Like a waikīkī winter shore break
I cannot be so small
And cold
Not to throw my whole self in your direction

You asked
So I gave you my mattress
The cent of my hair
My body
And history
You smile and say you love me
Like love
Is something you can leave in the margins if things get heavy

But heavy is all I know
Steep crashing water
Is my only rhythm
I can give you no less than
All of me all at once

To love
Is to let a billion gallons of water fall out of me
While you turn away
I will never get any of that water back

Which is to say
I would be nothing
Should you choose to leave
I know this by the scent of being left before

Which is to say
My memory of love is cut and scared over
Which is to say
That I have seen the warning signs of kite runners before

Which is to say
To love you
The only way I know how
With all my weight and strength
Is the bravest thing I can do

Which is to say
I am not afraid of you
Just the space you could leave behind in your wake
That you are worthy of every pound of this boundless love
That I would give you myself
A million times over
Even knowing the kind of hallow that could come

Which is to say
When I open my eyes
Try to pull you close to my chest
Whisper I love you
Hold it close
Hold me

Sunday, September 15, 2013

what happens when a body coils into itself
forgets the sensation of love
in touch

longs for a companion to hold

she breaks
not even the sea can hold her
she tries her best to remain still
as to not fall apart

Saturday, September 14, 2013

He Mea Iki

Her hands fall to her sides
Fingertips once laced through long dark strands
Now free
Hair that makes the night question it's black
The stale scent of wine and cigarettes on her breath 
And yet
She is radiant

The other
Will press her lips together 
As if to beg the beautiful one closer
Neither move
One heart stutters with a howl to the moon
The clash of body's fantacies

And the sun is gone
And there is a galaxy of space pushing through their silence
A calm static moving over skin

And the younger one is scared
And the other is still
And they don't belong
But her hair fell perfectly over slim shoulders
So what else could they do but shiver into each other

One is beautiful
The other is watching
And lust is a cold evening with a street drunk with rain
And desire is the collarbone calling her closer
And she is a leather bookmark that knows its place

And they still don't belong
But there is no one to tear them apart
So they are still
Just a pinch of the lips 
Pressed together
A twirl of hair between brown fingers
Two eyes, refuse to retreat
The quickest of kisses to the cheek 

Neither will admit what could have been
While one will wish for a second chance at courage 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

from my fathers GUitar

I am not the kind to resist 
i follow the instructions of the hand
in moments
when word cannot be found
i must sing 
to fill the silence
attempt to hold this clean so cold it might crackle

They may not sign on key
but i will make the melody loud
so it will not fade
nor be forgotten
a part of it will stick to the back of your throat
so that every time memory of this moment arises you must hold back 

the mothers cries in the lap of her daughter
but i must not watch 
or wait
i must not give way
i must play
sing to fill the space god has made
my bronze turns bitter
i touch no one
i move before the tips of his fingers can find me
the song falls out like an old memory
we have been here before 
we will be here again
and my responsibility will remain the same
compose a melody thick enough to hold these cold bodies
that they may have the strength to continue

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Day 6: Wade

wading into this water
wondering the safest place to set these words
no chances taken
not a chance of surpassing myself

why write then? when you might be afraid of your own word

why write if you arent willing to take the chance.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Day 5: Confetti

i can tell you what happens when a foundation cracks
there is a stutter
every pillar shakes with the weight it must recover
for a moment
you may marvel at the strength of the rest of the body
the family 
for holding the assembly together
allowing the structure to stand
for a moment
but nothing will halt the crumble
the clatter
the crushing realization
that the holding together is over

and when it finally falls
when you finally let go
there will be a crash
a shouting of sorts
the final dust of what once was will fall over you like confetti 
and then there is only silence
a stillness completely foreign
it is a quiet that only the shattered can hold
it is a weight you can only feel once it has been lifted

and then you are alone
and there is no longer a panic of falling or breaking
only the fear that you will never hold anything together


Sunday, September 8, 2013

Day 4: The lonely

iʻve tried to find a way to make this cancer crumble
surround myself with beautiful people
i cant help but second guess this skin
this smile
cant tell if its mine or
maybe i just borrowed it from a beautiful woman
the one with the eyes that grip
maybe ill have to give it back once sheʻs left

the answer to that last line is yes.

never mind the space i find in the absence of her laugh
something about the moving away
the bodies in retreat
i cant escape

iʻve tried to find a way to make this quiet speak
but no
its only me
and a pen that refused to dance across the page

i think i've lost the ability to properly reflect

and so instead,
i panic.

all i have are expectations
and a million voices in my head saying,
"are you sure you can do this"

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Day 3: Distance

its okay to say
that this silence fills the room like tear gas
cuz when you’re gone
i can feel every bit of your absence
like a song i've forgotten
the tune of

Friday, September 6, 2013

Day 2: Easy.

Look at you
Pulling the fast girl out of me
Like its easy

I see
My body
Tangled in the dark of your eyes

But its only me
And your smile
Mumblings promises we wont keep

Watch our silence
Cast a constellation between us
Wait for its departure to fill your body with static

Let me drown myself in the wonder
Feel the skyline of your quiet pass
Go to sleep just to wake

Wanting more.