Sunday, July 31, 2011

Day 741: the ocean

my body is not
broken, you eyes must not see
i've found a home here

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Day 740: Laying with your wind

if the truth comes from darkness
then my tears are born of your skin
my strength of your eyes
my spirit of your hands
three prayers i've carved into your kiss
there are so many things i've hidden in your body
my love
my pride
my palms
all stitched into the base of your neck
so yours is the sun
yours in the year
yours is this earth
braided with my skin
woven with my bones
my spirit
and you are the kaona
you ae the miracles
you are the ocean
and the rain
and i am the little things
the creatures that crawl
i am the dirt
i am this land
the things that wait stand here forever
the rocks that have forgotten to carve their wings from the shell of their bones
and you are the memory
the reminder
the stillness
the things that return
the things that continue
the beauty that is standing forever
hold me in the bend of your dance
while i lay
with your wind

Friday, July 29, 2011

Day 739: moe ana me kou makani

i na Mai Ka po mai ka oiaio
mai kou ili mai ko'u wai maka
mai kou mau maka mai ko'u malu
mai kou lima ko'u alo
ekolu mau pule au i kalai i kou honi
he mau mea au i huna i loko o kou kino
ko'u aloha
ko'u haaheo
ko'u pa lima
humu ia i ke kua o kou a'i
no laila
nau ka la
nau ka makahiki
nau ka honua
e wili ia me ko'u ili
ko'u 'iwi
ko'u naau

a o'oe ke kaona
a o'oe ka mea nui
a o'oe ka moana
a o'oe ka ua
o wau na mea iki
o wau na mea kolo
o wau ka lepo
o wau ka aina
na mea e ku ana mau loa
na pohaku i poina e kalai i na hulu mai ka ipu o na iwi
a o'oe ka hali'a
ka la'i
na mea e ho'i mau ai
na mea e hoomau ana
na mele e kulia nei
papae au i ka ha'a o kou 'oni
e moe ana
me kou makani

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Day 738: 5 things that cannot break

5 things that cannot break

when the wind blows
this house on stilts sways
bends into an ebb and flow
finds it way to be ocean like
i know
the walls and floors will fall
that this roof cannot stand forever
but the ocean it holds
inside of its bones
its nuts and bolts
they'lll take parts of me to see
that you've never seen

i walked a mile and a half down the beach
and every few minutes stopped to touch the sea
to trace a name in the sand
one that i dont want to forget
that breaks part of me every time i think of her smile
and how many miles lie between on our bodies
every time i found my body dry and you were out of sight
i did it again
that is rhythm
and while i know i've been smashed cracked and bent
nothing can take this tempo out from under my skin
it is forever
it is destined
traced into me
like your memory

sunrises and sunsets
the way the tide follows a pattern i do not understand
how it will continue regardless
unbroken by time and man

the tears falling from your eyes
how i tried to push them back in
or pull them out quick enough to be unnoticed
i wanted to protect you from myself
from the songs in my palms that wished to be a part of your dance
wanted to break the sadness from your body
but couldn't
it was there
coming forward

our timeline
it will exist before and after
we cannot change anything other than ourselves
how we will try
to fit our hearts in flat rate boxes
and send parts of us across the ocean
i imagine myself falling somewhere in the pacific
dying in my search for you
and you only making it to san fransisco
where you can fall in and out of love
with ever pace i ever held you
maybe memory will overcome
find you longing for a part of my ocean
maybe that will be the difference
between being left behind
carried forward
or broken

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Day 737: to those who love the poet in me

to the women who love the poet in me

you will always wait for me to open your doors
to sing you to sleep
let your hand fall just a little farther from you body
begging me to hold you
and will
i will kiss your cheek
your wrist
you lips
when i kiss your forehead
a part of me will jump through my body and take home in yours
you will not feel my entry
but i will feel my own absence

you will watch me on tv
on youtube
on your phone
at a friends house
you will see me perfected
the parts of me i practice in front of mirrors
only what is left after iʻve been cut and edited
you will see me then
stripped of all my human
and you will want to be apart of the masterpiece
of the story
want me to be your introduction to women who dress and sing like me
want me to hold you
because my hands are softer than your boyfriends
and i know how to make your body move right
you will want me then
and i will let you

when i fall in love
you will think you are lucky
that you have caught the uncatchable
that you are special
and you are
but you will not be ready to see me after the curtains close
when the imperfect parts find their way home
when i am not so memorized and refined
you will wonder why you came to me in the first place
you never wanted human
you wanted magic
the flashing lights
the stage presence
the tears iʻve shed on stage

you will call my vulnerability sexy
but only when you are drinking it from the other end of my microphone
you will not want to stay and listen through the night
not know why i need to be told
what your love means
you will not understand when i need you to count the ways
to reach our your hand a little further from you body
how i will need to held every once and a while
need someone imperfect to call me beautiful
to see me
in all the worst lights
my ugly
my insecure
my love
my human
and maybe
and maybe
still want
to stay the night

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

736: 10 things that remind me of a thunder storm- part 2

part one

Part 2:

the way her voice sounds over the phone
when there is more than just ocean and land between us
when we are distant
and the sounds our bodies make are lost in sea spray
in dust bowls
and all the universe that is just taking up space
taking up our time

the girls i meet who arent the one i know iʻll marry
but i love
none the less
in ways i cant express
for the ones who dance as if my life depends on it
and every dream i have is set to the rhythm of your hearts metronome
how when i awake
i await for the rhythm to take me

your laughter
the sharpness of it
how it holds me
keeps me awake
lets me know
i might be safe
even when the world is shaking

the silence behind your eyes
the words you cannot say
not even to yourself
the way my hands felt against your cheek
when every part of your body
was dust crumbling under me
when i wanted to collect it all
how it still slipped through my grasp
how you walked away
and i watched as you didnt look back

my mothers voice when ive done something wrong
her smile, when ive made it right
the sunrise when weʻve run out of light

a kiss that you never wanted to end
a strangers hand on the back of you neck
the tunnel of your ear
the small of your back
hands everywhere
my body bending to fit them

a volcanoes eruption
an orgasm that never happened
the build up
the longing
the want for soemthing to break
to show you that it can
we dont always bend
wanting to show me an alternative
another way to wake in the morning
a new body to build with you

i do not believe we were one

the way it felt to wake up clenched to you
how your lips tastes like the palms of every women i ever loved
how i wanted to be covered in them
how wanting to be held
was dangerous and not allowed

the way her voice sounds on the phone
after everything thats happened
how loving other women, like you
only made me empty and want more
how waiting for her
made me feel safe
how all of this together
makes me want to break in two
down the middle
and let my spirit
walk away

Monday, July 25, 2011

Day 735:

you will not need to ask
when you enter
if i will have you
i will
have you
empty my pockets
of the things i used
to make me feel heavy enough
to be alive
when you left
it meant that i must walk
forward, even when only confronted
with darkness, i will know
you are there
and when you are here
you wont need to ask
but you probably will

so i will say
do not be waiting by the phone for my reply
do not be heart broken girl standing by
do not be crumpled sheet music
do not be the keys of a piano never played
do not be the dance
or the sun
or the kisses
or the glances
or the smiles
or the tears
do not be falling
do not be falling
do not be asking questions
we dont have answers to
do not be
without me
i will have you
i promise
when you are here
there will be no need for questions
we will know
all the answers
in skin

Sunday, July 24, 2011

day 734: limbs

This morning
I sent you my goodbyes with the tongues of my fingertips
hoped you wouldn’t notice the way I kept my palms from your body
My breath from you gravity
My eyes from yours
There is so much of me now
Trying to be kept from you
Like my words
Don’t fall right
Don’t bring me home
I don’t know how to tell you that

I cant say I love you
Because im afraid it might be true
Might turn to sunrise
Might run away with you
Might take me away too
Might make me forget again
What it feels like to breathe
Stand straight
tall again
Make might me forget
I don’t like forgetting
I promised to remember
Don’t make me forget
Don’t leave me here
Tell me a story I can remember
Something I can hold
Like you hand when you are gone
Something I can lean on
My body is Not so godly to be perfect
I need every piece to stand right
All of this
I know to be true

And yet
Still there is a part of me that wants to say
Take my limbs
All of them
As long as you promise that when you dance
You hold me close
Against your skin
Break me into the mold of your movement
Take me home to meet your rhythm
If there is space for this matter
If I can matter in your space
Then take me
Every bit
For as long as you can
And then shake me free
Send me to hang from Saturn’s rings
I’d like to think I don’t need my body to be here
Don’t need it to stand upright
That’s right
But its wrong too
I said
That’s right’
But it can be wrong too
That’s how I feel about you
It makes me want to hang my limbs from something high
Just to see how long they hold
How far they travel
Till they snap

I Want to know
How much of everyone letting go
Is the weakness of my marrow
Or rather,
the carelessness of their hands

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Day 733: syncopated

U deep crater
You ocean
You rain water falling
You sand, slipping through me
I find my hands
trying to break into your body
find myself looking for safety in the strangest places
in the breath behind your eyes
the dance in your step
see mehere swinning in parts of you that aren’t mine to take
you not willing to give
see me tring to sink
wishing to drown
knowing the only forever I’ve ever knowlast for a day
sometimes two

so cover me reckless
me brown body breaking
brown body longing
silk skin safety
call me mornings danger
a kisses combustion
the ocean’s recoil

here everything happens in odd numbers
she says
I want to ask why
Knowing her answer will taste of white chocolate mocha
Something I’ll listen

The things I know,
Happen in twos
But you are a dotted rhythm pushing me into the next step
Leave me stuttering into breath

Friday, July 22, 2011

Day 732: heavy

Save me a part of you
That you cannot live with out
Something hard and tangible
That is heavy
I can carry it in my back pocket
A reminder of our tether
That I must be careful with my body
For you
That I must stay close
Never stray
In my love

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Day 731: commitment

Are all the days that follow a promise
The mornings you wake up alone
Without a poem in your heart
Without a girl to love that is close and convenient
Love is doing this
Because you know nothing else

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Day 730: 2 years

It is only fitting
I cross this road
With you
In distance
In flex
In silence
Only fitting that today
My heart feels broken
That my hands feel newly emptied
Like I have just given large sums of my love to a girl whos never going to stop mvement

I am no good with anniversaries
They make me nervous
I seem to drop things that are light
That requires only love

It is only fitting this day mean nothing
Like the day I began
Like the day I quit
Like the day we slept together when we knew our bodies wouldn’t fit
Not now
See me here
Trying to fit all the words of two years into this place
Can you see your name
Etched into the margins
Or is it falling behind

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Day 729: palms

To your palms
The parts of you I’ve missed the most
Next your neck
Your chest
Your eyes
Your skin
Your lips
These are the things that jump to mind
When the sun in low and im thinking its time to sleep
When I remember how hard it is to do so
When these parts turn dark
I cannot see

Monday, July 18, 2011

Day 728:

I have this body
Find myself
Trying to hold parts of you in it
When we are gone
We are horizon
And promises
We are the space
The matter
It doenst matter
I say
The things we are and aren’t
We are air
Broken breathes
And silence
We are everything
Everything everything
Cant you see
We are

Sunday, July 17, 2011

day 727: where i am in you

this place is too familiar o be anytrhing less than terrifying

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Day 726:

i want to go back
back back
but i

Friday, July 15, 2011

Day 725: miss you

Its funny the way the dust settles
seems to leave me wanting nothing more than the ocean to shrink
and everything between us to combust
i wonder how heavy this continent would be
if turned to powder
could i carry it with me
in trying to find you

or would it hold me here heavy
hollowed and empty
longing for you still
now with nothing between us
but air

Thursday, July 14, 2011

day 724: believing

at this exact moment
i am the only person i the entire universe
who believes that after everything we've been through
you being the right one for me is enough
you cant even begin to imagine
how hollowing that can be

it leaves me wondering a few tings

if tonight
my courage got the best of me
and i sent my self to the moon
how long would it take for you to change your trajectory
how strong is my gravity on you, if at all
how many miles, can i move you

2. how many times a day
do you find yourself sobered by the thought of me
how many minutes do you spend actually wanting us to work
and how many are you wondering how if would feel to give parts of me away to men i'd never be able to forgive

do you ever dream to the texture of my body
to the tone of my touch
the vibrato in my kiss
these are the parts of you
i cant seem to shake from my skin
have i left you trembling too
when you cry
if you ever do
is it ever for the part of my chest that has been gutted
or it if for the bodies
that are still covered
the ones you may never touch
because of my present
do you resent me for loving you
with all that i have
ever insignificant piece of me
does my smile remind you
of how much more the world can give you
that i cannot
of everything you want
that can be found in fragments of men you've already had
but not enough of

4. do you think im crazy
for believing
for putting my body
to be laid under your anvil
to let the people you care for
walk over me like a welcome mat
on their way to you
i wonder if you remember
what it feels like to be spat on
by the lovers of the one you love
it feels like a poisoned promise
like a broken future
like a dangerous promise

at this moment
i am the only person in this world
who believes we can work
i wonder if you can hear me through your slumber
scratching at your horizon
pleading with you to give me
a little less of this pain
and a little more of your faith

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Day 723: stuborn

there are certain thoughts i save for the dark
they are the parts of me i find heaviest when i am waking
when i am trying to sleep
they are the parts of you,
you have forgotten you had
but still creep here
haunt me
leave me feeling empty and dried up
i wonder how it feels to leave someone empty
hollowed out
to not want any more of what they have
and drag whats left of them
across the sand
like a favor to the morning
i wonder if you knew
some nights
i feel like i could be the only person in this universe
there isnt a single soul
not one i can see
from here
this darkness
and cold
this hollow
it smells like your hair the morning after you've washed it
like your hands when you touch me
like you lips in the sunset
memory is ones worst enemy
because somehow
sadness seems to stick the hardest
pain seems to cling to it
it is something i will not ever let go of
like the plans we already made
and i tell everyone one of my friends about a wedding you might not even believe in
about my journeys to bring me to the city that ill soon name yours
that i may never see again
cuz if its yours and im not
i dont think i can learn to breathe there
cuz if i am the only one who believes
its leave me
i just wish
someone could come
stay a while
sit with me
make me fell
a little less crazy
for loving you
so stubbornly

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Day 722: warfare

"how come the only way to see how high you get me is to see how far i fall"

i am afraid to write the kind of poem it takes to be remembered
most nights
when i think of you
i think of a woman who is afraid to be and not be alone
i am afraid to write a poem that makes you self respectful enough to realize your selfishness
im selfish too
you know,
i keep you here
will not let you leave me behind
to be gone

i am afraid
some mornings
that i wont make it to sunset
that i step off the ledge a minute too quick
a minute before you realize im here waiting for you
that we can be the definition of too late
too far gone
i could be a pillar
a tombstone
"beloved daughter and sister"
a promises to be nothing more
and nothing to you
i could be the tragedy struck into the electric of your eyes

"how come the only way to see how high you get me is to see how far i fall"
how come falling feels so familiar
how come i never learned to hold on to something stable
that doesnt fall
and break
like a hammer

Monday, July 11, 2011

Day 721: your love

the basin we spent our spring filling
have come up dry
left us thirty
it ssummer
and the heat is wet
the back of our necks are sticky
we rather not be touched
but are begging for someone to stop and watch
hold me
i'd scream if they air could hold my plea
every part of my is dehydrated
turned to dust
my bones are brittle
your malleability
is only a curse to my lips
you are everything that can be healed
i am everything
you will leave

Sunday, July 10, 2011

DAy 720:

you could probably cut me open
gut me
and make yourself a home
it would be warm
i think
if only
you can handle the stench
of all my mistakes

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Day 719: text message poetry

this water over flows
follows me whereever i go
brings parts of you every morning to my surface
you are a sparkle that is never lost in the sin of this sunlight
the pull in my undertow
i feel you dragging me down
where every bit of my body is as its meant to be
and every bit of you
every crack of this body

Friday, July 8, 2011

Day 718:

i'd like to dive into the saddle of your step
the crack in your voice
the parts of you that hip and swag
break and bend
fold me there
into you
and your secrets
wonder with the magic
everything around you can just
i promise
you just have to learn to listen

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Day 717: After tonight

watch poem here

I wrote a poem
To spit at you
When you were here with me
Number 1 tag team
Why don’t you flag this
In your browser list
You and forever
Since our first kiss

We had that legend love
Made the others jealous
Didn’t know sometimes that green shits infectious
But we made our mind
We do out time
Now we collect chips
Like we’re alcholoic

Whats that you said
You don’t dig my lyrics, aint trynna feel it
All I know its time for me to break through this
Cage of music and poetry
Two separate worlds
bring them together likeim jamba trynna bring the swirl

you can laugh it fine, I made a funny I know
just remember when I end, this is the lesson I wrote
leave the sky itll fall when its ready
take your time tonight
while we still have these bodies

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Day 716:

sinking in this sulfur
got me blinking in the air
sucking up the pain
the vain of me, split open
backwards is the new real
the deals been said and split too
we all on lock like it aint no business
these are the stories we fling to the heavens when you arent listening
how my tongue can split u open
you didnt know i existed
it aint no thang
what am i saying

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Day 715: drown

the way my skins sheds
i can tell
you love me
to pieces
to bone
to ink
to the things that leak
there is pain here
to be found
played with under my tongue
im trying to keep it all from you
carry the heavy parts
so you dont drown

Monday, July 4, 2011

Day 714: common knowledge

i've been told that my body is made for breaking
that these hands cannot hold
for too long
not long enough
women crumble in the creases of my palms
i let them
melt with them
that the night we laid under the stars and i threw poems into the sky
i was your foundation cracking
i was not so innocent
standing by
watching the strong parts of you
being peeled by my vibrato in my chest

maybe they can see the shards of you that were left behind the last time we kissed
the things that weigh me heavy
call me sunken
maybe they can see the scars
of a thousand unanswered curses to the heavens that trace my lips
maybe they can see me standing upright after all of it
think its a disappearing trick
that heartbreak only takes to the girls who wear dresses
no one worries about the stoic shadowed frame
no one warns the man or the one who looks enough like one
she who wears the pants can take the weight
and the blame
she is the dangerous one
with the body for breaking
look at the way her muscles contract
she must be safe
looking out for herself
she looks too much like a tsunami to be anything less than a tornado
keep your distance from the storm
if you want to keep yourself intact
watch as she dances into the sunrise
isnt her transformation beautiful
as she is turning everything you know into chaos
the fear of folklore
see how its stitched into every inch of her
but do not touch

i have been told that my body is for breaking
that women
should keep their hearts away from my sleeves
because i tend to take what i can and leave
that every word i speak
is a ploy to get closer
just to be freed
these are the stories
i've found flung from the galaxies behind your gaze
as if i've earned the weight of these words
regardless here they are
look closely
see how each name you've given me
ive found a place for on this skin
a reminder of the way you see my body

i can promise you this
i have cried a hundred times over for any women who wrongfully fell into me
i have been broken too
each time i've said goodbye i've given pieces of my chest for them to keep
the poet in me loves often
but deeply
and ever cut is a creator i cannot fill
a story you cannot tell
a home that cannot stand
all pillars falling
watch the way they crumble
watch the way my pieces dance
watch it all fall around her
watch as she still stands
strong looking
stoic, still
see how she survives
walks through the ruble
takes some
and leave a little more of herself

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Day 714: i live in a box of paints

theres this girl i know
she lives in a world of cants
her hands are dulled diamonds
her body
a broken compass
these things we've learned in our dancing
body beating off the walls
like music
we take space like its easy
but tomorrow are things we dont speak of here
in the middle of the night
we dont dream here
just dance
talk about our cants
the things we've tied to our skin
remind me why
we've come here anywway
when theres nothing to see
all our cants in the way

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Day 713: obama's facebook status

"It's a big moment: 475,000 donors now own a piece of this campaign. Thank you, everyone"
the presidents been bought
brought back like heartbeats lost
osamas death turned a million empty hands into cash floods
down te pipeline
obama life line lives in the way we hand our checks

extra extra
someone handed over a million dollars in posters for a piece of my daughters future

give me one reason not to be a cynic
one reason not to be disgusted in teh way money walks
talks and breathes through these streets
one reason not tto think that maybe telling the world that 475 K people own a piece of you is not the most positive thing
we've sold our people to the highest bidders
watched our walls crumble
while they comes back loking for the pieces they've fogotten
tell me how're your gonna spend over a million dollars saying that are chilren are hungry and need to be fed
how' yure gonna talk about inequality
when the streets of your checks are paved with hidden intentions

these are not tricks of any trade
you've picked your place in the world
made your way
i hope
we can afford
the change

Friday, July 1, 2011

Day 712: cant

"the only way for a heart to grow is to break and rebuild"
but i'm not sure if there's any more room in my chest.
tell me how to shrink you away.
til you are hollow casing.
a space just to carry the echoes of what
once lived and breathed

you are a promise i left stiched to the back of my throat
so every song i sang
tasted like you lips
these are the parts of you i cannot shake from my skin
how every time someone touches my hair
i think of how you do it better
every time i strum my guitar i wonder
will i have to sell her
down the river
to the highest bidder
i need her body as far away from my fingertips
i cannot love any piece of you
anything you have touched
not if you are running
breaking time and distance
not if you are gone
not if you arent screaming the same songs
cursing all the gods that brought us to the same intersection
not if you are walking upright
not if you arent reaching out your hand
not if you arent going to be there
at the end of the tunnel
not if its not you
not if its not me
not if we are not the ones crashing into each others destiny
not if we are just bypass
a step in the latter
a place we wait for things to get better
not if you are taking my confidence with you
and every part of me i've learned to love through your body
not if all that is gone
not if all i am is gone
not if all i am is gone

forget how we said forever
forget how you asked me to be somewhere i wasnt
forget how maybe i didnt try hard enough
forget how i failed you
forget how everything crumbled
forget how i pushed you
forget how we began
forget all the kisses
forget holding hands
forget how my skin shakes in you presence
forget how
forget how we loved
forget what it means
forget my body
every last whisper
every last line
forget the ones that havent come yet
forget the broken promises
forget the unborn children
the dogs and the yard
the things i let myself dream of
forget the way we cried
forget the day i was born
the rings we carry
all the stories
throw them to texas
ask someone to burn them

cuz i dont know how to be anything but yours
and youll tell me everything about that is wrong
and unhealthy
but all i am is pieces of a woman you somehow put back together
so no
i dont know how to say im single without your fingertips pulling at the back of my vocal chords
dont know how to tell
dont know how to speak
dont know how to make new plans
cant be in your city
cant hear your voice
cant know your name
cant breathe
cant breathe
cant breathe
cant breathe
cant breathe
cant breathe
if you arent here