Sunday, February 28, 2010

day 223: sinking ship

an expansion of yesterdays poem

2 weeks ago our turetic earth ticked in the aftermath of gods anger
Haiti felt catastrophe shaking in the number 7
the death toll is 233,000 and counting
today chile felt the same
learning to find fear in 8.8
2 million people have been displaced
im sitting at my computer watching the number rise
it feels too much like
its been 50 years since chile has been shaken like this
in 1960 6k dead bodies fell through the cracks in chile, 60 sunk in hawaii

this morning i'm feeling a sense of
uncomfortable deja vu
tthere is a wall of water taunting my homeland
our children have already fallen through the cracks
im 2k miles away
the phone lines are hollow
like opened graves
i just want to speak to my mother
but there is only silence
the cadence of an awkward dial tone
i realize we have something in common
no mater how unnecessary
we repeat ourselves
no mater how uncecessary
the irony's sending shivers down my skin
my body vibrates like the earths tremors

they call this global warming
the climate is correcting itself
i call it earth rattling
plates shifting
tsumani lifting
the sea is rising
and in my tiny honolulu town
that means no more beach front property in 100 years
no island
just ocean
i hope the navy ships sink with us
because the baggage they brought along with their guns and bombs
make this island to heavy for the ocean to carry any longer

in hawaii
brown bodies are born
asthmatic choking from first inhale
running from a mountain of ocean
and there is cancer in the air
leprosy in our water
ignorance in our blood
hate in our tones
its no wonder we cannot breathe
we tell ourselves our recycling matters
that placing cans in the right bucket might make us equal
or at least save our lives
when we know
the tranformation to green from white is a lot easier than from brown
and so green is something we will never be
because we cant afford the life changing surgery

this is the reality
global warming will break the foundation of a community without even shaking the penthouse suit
so while the men and women who finance the earth deterioration play the role of its savior sipping mrtinities in hybrid glass bottom boats tallying the brown bodies that flout by
this societies soil is sinking in quicksand
our hands above our heads trying to form prayers for relief funds
trying to learn how to breathe under water
hoping that the government might soon start funneling money back into education
so the next generation, if there is one, will learn how to prevent this from every happening again
it is if the government thinks if we are uneducated we wont be able to be ashamed of them
wont understand that the elite only have faith in the privately educated
that the rest of us, dont even stand a chance

we've made life a privatized institution
only the privileged can afford to survive
only the rich will record history and live to read about it
cut the crap
its 2010
chile been hit by an 8.8 magnitude earthquake sending a tsunami to hawaii
but you see the tsunami never hit hawaii's shores
but our children were already sinking anyways
because the governments idea of solutions to the economic depression is furlough fridays
instead of cutting from our 1 trillion dollar war
we've taken school days from our future
what are we protecting
we all the know the environment is dying because our legislation is failing at teaching our children to sprout through concrete
enough with the quick fix band aids and budget cuts
when solutions are few and far between
and the ocean seems to be rising
the government needs to know that
its time to fill class rooms
not empty them
unloading our brown bodies over seas to fight terrorism will not lighten out island enough to keep it afloat

its February and we watched haiti's brown children fall from sky scrapers remembering 911 stories and news cast
and since, we've learned nothing
no terrorist has the fury of our fuming environment
the plates beneath our feets are finally striking back
THIS is the new face of terrorism
caused by the chaos of an unprepared planet

its 2010, its time for a solution
new legistlation
time to stop counting backwards to haiti, chile, Indonesia, 911
to man made disasters
we are our own worset enemies
terrorist dressed as "americans"
look around you
the death tol is rising with the sea level
we are all still counting sinking bodies
its time to decide
who's gonna be privilege enough to survive
next time

Saturday, February 27, 2010

day 222: the beginning of a green piece

2 weeks ago our turetic earth ticked in the aftermath of gods anger
Haiti felt catasraphy in the number 7
today chile felt the same
learning to fear 8.8
50 years since its last earthquake of its size
there is a wall of water taunting my homeland
they call this global warming
the climate is correcting itself
i call it earth rattling
plates shifting
tsumani lifting
the seas are rising
and in my tiny honolulu town
that means no more beach front property in 30 years
no more beach
just ocean
i hope the navy ships sink with us
because the baggage they brought along with their guns and bombs
make this island to heavy for the ocean to carry any longer
there is cancer in the air
leprosy in our water
and ignorance in our blood
we tell ourselves our recycling matters
that our prius cars make a difference
when in reality
we are sinking in quicksand
our hands above our heads trying to form prayer for relief funds
trying to learn how to breathe under water
teach me to flout
swimming is to tiring
i've been treading water for so long
i just want to lay back
watch the sunrise over diamond head
i wonder how the horizon will change
whether or not islands can re-incarnate
if i can
why can papa
mother earth
she was always more powerful anyways
i wonder
am i leaving soon
will i ever get to come back
and if i do, do you think god will let me remember..

Friday, February 26, 2010

day 221: porcelain

the silences here feels like daggers
are the lines torn
why does my stomach still shake when you name is mentioned
how am i broken this time
and you are soo composed
mocking my

Thursday, February 25, 2010

DAy 220: AS220

in providence
they where their art on their wrist
carry their souls in their pens
and spit poetry like prophecy
in these bike flooded streets
children are lost only to return to the light poles
shining red stop signs by moonlight
ther water sparkles here different
and your breathe echos
like you can hear your souls trying to find its way out
in providence
everyone is just a little more alive

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Day 219: Daddy's Girl

Daddys girl got a broken heart
Shards of glass under her skin
She's breaking in that mold
Daddys girl got torn skin

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

day 218: art

rip me from this
remove this skin
waiting from broken eyes
my hands are tired
and shaky
but can still love
still hold something solid

i will not drop your body here
nor your heart
take this skin
break it scorn
bring me your body
your color
lets paint a mural
on our bodies
with these fingertips
let it dry
and when we crack
we can take the broken pieces
to build something

Monday, February 22, 2010

Day 217: tomorrow

you will find me hands open in the ocean
there is no broken here
everything ends and starts where something else begins
this is where i am whole
you will find me
covered in cloud
waiting for rainfall
looking like waiting is easy
you will find me there
cracked and caverness
but ready

Sunday, February 21, 2010

day 216: i am the hill

i am vacant
there are no songs left in my bones
we've been pulling marrow here for years
transplanting hearts into teenage chests
giving myself to ethnic kids who need reason
i am that blood transfusion
call my body holy land
rape me here
take ever ouch of decency left
til i cant even name my own children
where there are no words
there are no names
we have no purpose straddling two worlds
this is the miseducation
where love becomes loved
turned to zion

hide me under my own skins
forget the bones
forget the songs
lock my ears and eyes
turn me to spirit tonight
til re-incarnation come
i am will remain here

Saturday, February 20, 2010

day 215: random thoughts.

Falling in love only takes a day

You can feel it in your skin

On your tongue

You know when it hits

You wake up turn over and kiss the air pretending you lovers there

Falling in love is easy

Anyone who says otherwise is lying

Trusting comes natural

Its forcing yourself not to trust that fractures ripcages

I remember the moment I knew

The moment I decided I would give up anything to be with you

The moment I started thinking about future

Falling out of love takes longer

There is no moment to point to except that morning you woke up and realized you didn’t recognize the beautiful women next to you


You don’t remember who you are

Falling out of love takes time

But breaking hearts happens in instant increments

Friday, February 19, 2010

Day 214: things i say in the dark

secrets make the strongest bricks
stubborn elbow grease make a wall
we are berlin love separated by concrete
lies deception
the only way to rebuild is break down and start over again
so make me ash
or dust
ground me into dirt
like root
leave me there to stew in my life
and decisions
so when im on my deathbed i know what to expect before the bright light
and wish
hope the water comes soon
pray for flood
so we can be solid again
but stronger
make me cement brick forever
with you
we can be the wall together
instead of standing on either side
make us whole
with nothing but water between us.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

day 213: horizon

i've learned to be selfish with the horizon
hold it in my chest like the breath of a loved one
learned to promise light to no one
not even myself
because when morning comes
only the lucky will be breathing
and we will need that sunlight if we wanna keep warm
so hold it tight
like first loves
breakups past being broken
like hearts on your sleeve
like one night stands
sexual tension between friends
you really have no other choice.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Day 212:so simple

there is space here
no oxygen
we are not breathing
just passing
hold time in our pockets
like we have an unlimited supply
we can break as many hearts as we face
they'll be another tomorrow
sleep with the girl down the hall
hold her the way you remember being help
spit at your image in your dreams
learn to love the traits you dont have
despise the ones you do
be human
trying to learn
without breathing
learning not to love so easy

doenst it sound so simple.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

day 211:

hold me in this darkness please
out of sight
where we can be something more than warmth
something more than soft hands and lips
we can be more here in this darkness
in this space
hold me here
i have forgotten how to move anyways

Monday, February 15, 2010

day 210: mona lisa

strong women like the virgin mary are painted perfect by most

but my mother is a mona lisa

she is half angel

so If I were an artist I would paint her half a halo

A severed wing

A cracked smile

Her heart is the size of my fist

But I don’t know where it sits

Women like her learn to hide such fragile things early in life

Sunday, February 14, 2010

day 209: boarder less

slip under my skin
broken toxins
hiden hands
hard pelvis
last night i found myself in your sheets
under your arms
covered in night
we could spend the morning soaring in dreams
like this
if you prefer
we can be whole or broken
awake or sleeping
either way dreaming
pull my body across that ocean
into you
break my skin here
we can be boarderless

Saturday, February 13, 2010

day 208: erotic poem

all you need is darkness
and a little bit of wonder
to have all those crazy questioned answered

Friday, February 12, 2010

day 207: dear jesus

you said you were coming back soon.
where are you?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

day 206: in progress

there are 45.8 miles between the misty beaches of Santa Cruz and Stanford's silicone bubble
it takes an hour to drive either way
there are no tolls
but drivers pay in the silence of their souls during journeys south
this morning i took the hour long journey from the coast
of where hearts melt themselves to your skin s that when you leave you feel nothing but empty
from the 17 to the 85 and finally the 280
i shed every last ouce of whatever it is that lives in me when i am in their presence

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

day 205: flying

this morning

I threw my half halo to the wind

across the ocean

Hoping it would find her

I spent dawn drawing a woman

Stronger than atlas

With more burdens and expectations than the virgin mary

more perfect than davinchi's mona lisa

Wing clipped with a sunken heart

empty chest

She is my mother

her name is mary

and when i grow up

i probably wont look anything like her

and even if no one else does

i will remember how i loved her


how i killed her with my cowardice

i will remember her

Half halo and all

that we were both angels

looking for someone to sacrifice their extra wing

and tell us that we could fly

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

day 204: poetry

her poetry makes me want to start falling in love again
she makes it sound
and easy
but i am too in love to fall anymore
its scary to hit rock bottom with someone else
wondering if you will ever surface again
unsure of which reality or dream is better
there is an uncertainty here
that is scary
a strength in love that cannot be denied
but no loves brings completely security
there are always elements traveling in and out of our playhouse
we are moving inspiration
and there is poetry circulating us
in different tones
and they make me want to feel the fall again
but not nearly as much as i wnat to feel her beside me at dawn
hear her snoring
because im in love
and i think its cute
the way she breathes heavy near day break
its what i've missed the most

Monday, February 8, 2010

day 203: hmmm

I only ever tell my mother I love her in text message
As if to scribe it
Is less painful
More easy
I can only love her when it's easy
the word bitch slips through my lips far too easy.

there are things
we keep secret in this house
everyone has secrets
we hide our scars under our language
our anger
we are disfunction at its best
we are family
beautifully broken together

Sunday, February 7, 2010

day 202:Bucket list

I want to go on a road trip
Trace the street lines on my lifelines
Memorize the way oak treees smell while you cross boarderlines
I wanna learn to fly
I what to know what it feels like to jump and be sure but still terrified
I want to hold fear in my hands so I know how blessed I am when I hold her
I want to write 4 novels about my 4 kids
Draw a picture about how they love eachother even when they won't admit it
I want to write someone else autobiagraphy
I want to know someone well enough to know myself through them

I want to write a map
Mold a globe
Make a baby with the last woman I love
Teach a class on how to love yourself better than anyone else can
And I want to believe everything I say
And say everything I think
So I know everything I think I belive
So my mind and heart become the same thing
I want to never be afraid of a homeless man
And know wht starving feels like so I never use the word out of context again
I want to be the person I'm to terrified to attenp to be
I don't want to be president but only because I want to know I CAn do better
I want to allow myself to fall in love as many times as I need to to believe in god
I want to look in the mirror and believe I'm beautiful even on my worst day

I want it to never be neccrsary to lie
I want to prevent as many tragedies that I can and accept the ones I can't
I want to tell my mother I love her
and relive everytime I said differently
So I can remember how ugly I have the ability to be
I wabt to be so honest with my body that I never need to speak again

You see
Some mornings
I don't feel much like an artist
I wake to scrape my stories and experiences from my skin
In hopes that something unforgettable might come from this pain
But lately
I've been completely uninspired for weeks at a time
And all I want to do is write a masterpiece
Breathe a song worth recording
Something that Somone would tattooe to their soul
For the off chance that i might live in them.
But I've learned u have to be a masterpiece to create one
break a heart to learn to love one
Write a million songs before you are written into one
And honestly,
I'm too afraid of the chance of failure to even try

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Day 201: my father is dope

i heard a man in a church this morning
play a song my father used to sing to me
he sang flat
his guitar strum was far to quick
my father
has more patient hands
more melodic tone
he's obviously a lot cooler.

Friday, February 5, 2010

day 200: as long as it takes

when she left i started using her shampoo
i missed so many things about her
her smell was the only thing i could create on my own
so i spent my evenings tricking myself to sleep
some nights i am dumb enough to think she is laying beside me
i can feel her breath on my neck
i hold myself the way i would imagine she would
the way i remember she did
remind myself every other second that she is coming back
she will be back
she is only over seas
her heart is still in my palm
i can feel it pounding there
and i am only over tired
over worked
over waiting
and yet i am
for her scent
her breath
her love
for that
i will wait as long as it takes

Thursday, February 4, 2010

day 199: not sure

there are song we have been taught to sing to ourselves before me fall asleep
like prayers
we wrap our palms
we hold ourselves together as if we might break otherwise
hum beautiful
find that broken sound
the one that isnt moving
hidden somewhere dark
just humm
you will be sleeping soon i promise

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

day 198: stubborn

i spent the last 24 hours
tattooing history to he inside of the eyelids
i slept in a bed of prose lined with colonization
taught myself to read between the lines
because most of the scripture aint worth remembering anyway
each religion takes their own stance
but academics
inhale journals
spit out theories
we are berkhoffers babies
living in a post indian world
where we know stereotypes begin with a pen
so i cautioned to never write again
too bad im am just too stubborn.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

day 197: homesick

today while sitting in class a song made me cry
i was reminded of the power of music
of our stories
of the voices the ocean creates when it sways
the sounds our souls scream when our skin is crying to go home
i miss my mom
i dont say it often
im not sure if thats because i rarely feel her while im here
or im too ashamed to admit that i always do
but either way
i am crying
wishing my mother can hear me all away across the ocean
like i can hear my father singing
tonight i am wishing i can sleep beside my family
hoping that there is still a story left to be made with my name in it

today i am listening to music that reminds me of home
but staying away from the songs that remind me of childhood
some days i cant even listen to my fathers songs
his voice pull too many string
too many tears
and tonight i dont want to cry
i just want to go home

Monday, February 1, 2010

day 196: forget

sometimes we write trying to remember
and sometimes
to forget
we banish our hearts from our chest
cut lifelines into our wrist
we kiss our demons goodnight
and settle the skeletons in our closest
we are the most fucked up creatures we have ever seen
so we will face any monster other than the mirror
we are more afraid of what is on the bed than bellow
because we have grown to know more pain from ourselves than anyone one or thing else
we are facing our own green mile sentence
where the people we loved a little less than we should have are crying in the isle
watching us march to wedding bells
sometimes there are things we just rather forget
so we write them differently than they happened and memorize the new sequence
in poem we memorize our history backwards in a way that doesn't sting
but there are till remnants of the truth that rings us away at midnight
during our dreams
we are shaken into nightmare
trying to forget
doing nothing but remembering