Notes on missing you

I cannot remember the last morning i woke without your words

or voice

you, my love, are far too sacred to be called routine

instead you've become ritual
and loving you is now

my favorite part of morning

but today i wake and you are not here

and i wonder how long its really been 

I know it cant be long

i can still smell you on my skin

in my sheets 

your breath is still stuck under my tongue

you never really leave

just linger

close enough for me to feel your distance

your quiet

in all this silence 

i play music over the loud speaker until it makes my bed frame shake 

I am trying to remember what it feels like for this house to be alive 

i am trying to remember what it feels like for you to be by my side

without question or reservation

i am trying to remember 

and you are moving 

further and further away 

and every day there is more and more quiet for me to lay in

and i am forgetting your taste 

the vibration of your voice

so i turn off the speaker 

close my eyes

drift back to sleep

tell myself to try again

tomorrow