i will write these essays
as if i am proud of myself
where i have been
where i am going
and i know i should be
and i know i am
mostly
but there are still mornings i wake up
worrying that i still have it in me to fail
to pull back and run away
and then i remember you smile
and your touch
and the way you waited for me to realize
that i needed you to stay
how i expected all the worst
and got only the best
from you
i think abou that
and wonder
why im writing essays to schools on every corner of this continent
when all i really want is to be with you
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