1.
you were my first anti in
a promise i was ready to keep
a spine not fully hardened
the first wet pillowcase
salted and
saturated
a over heated engine
a lonely recovery
a lie i told my self over and over
she loves me she loves me she loves
when i shattered you were not a distant memory
you were a call i made
every morning
every evening
wondering when you would return
i took the pieces left
and fancied myself a friendship that couldn't stand
pillars born of the foundation of love i was waiting to return but never will
2.
you were my first taste of selfishness
i relished in it
moments we stole upon the backs of my broken friendships
the lies we told each other that our heats were beating hard enough to drown out the noise
that the words i couldn't hep but write in your name said we were meant for it
destined for this
that every mistake we made was just a speed bump we needed to overcome
how wrong i was to hold onto pieces of you that would never belong
under my skin
would only stay there as a reminder of who you were
who i was
when i was yours
and who i would never be as long as i stayed that way
3.
you were
we werent
i wanted
what i thought we could be
you were teaching me
what being wrong
felt like in the form of sweat and a night without a tomorrow
4.
i will never write you
into this poem
only love you
into this day
it is all i can do
it is all that i need
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