Once Shes Gone; a To do list

6am
you used to wake up early
unfold the day with the sun
chase its shine til dusk
compress as much life as you can 
into the limits of these segments
these days the clock stays still
you hear the sun ticking over the horizon
and instead
of leaping to the day
you turn over
ashamed
you feel there is no shine left to chase
it all fell on the spine of a lizard 
that didn’t want or know how to stay

9am
youʻve been pretending to sleep for 3 hours
you are officially bored out of your lonely
terrorized away from you sheets
do not wish to stew in your own darkness any longer
you retreat 
force yourself into the world
trust the memory of her breath on your neck back 
onto the cold side of your pillow
there is no room for this kind of memory
you are weak
and it is 
too heavy

10am
run
lift
swim
keep your body too busy to hold this grief 
sweat all your salt 
a tear could crack you
do not let yourself be shattered

noon
eat
you have no choice 
this body is an heirloom 
it is not yours to destroy

One
Give yourself 1 full our to miss her
but do not let the hour spill into the evening 
remember the words written on the walls of your love 
remember the way she left
and how you had to keep secret whatever love was left
the way you were made to keep quiet
their was no patience left in her wake
so its just you
and the mornings you are forced to come to 
and the way all this silence 
chokes 
you

Two 
you failed
let the sorrow fall through
might as well make your way back to the bed
there is no light that will cut through this absence 
might as well sleep
or pretend to
try again tomorrow
maybe