Sunday, June 11, 2017

Day 3: Muted Instrumentals

I was young on the first night I came to the melody of your body
A tone deaf amateur marveling from the center of a symphony
I wanted to be your amphitheater
But my hands were too muddled and muddied
I never leaned to stack the walls of this fortress properly
I did not deserve the company of the monument men built in your shade
I spent 4 years hiding in the shadow of the shrine of your desire
I was not vast enough to hold all your water
I was not deep enough to quench your thirst
It was only a matter of time until I buckled under the weight
Of trying to feed you without going dry

It was not a surprise when you left
Every time
But it was a shattering
It was a tsunami
It was an eclipse
You were the sun
And I was the cold side of the moon
Cast into the silver sea of the universe
Forgetting my reasons to swim

So I waited
And waited
And waited
For your rescue
For your embrace
For your return
Slinging fists into the rock walls you built to keep me out

And when you didn’t
When I was your second thought
Your backup plan
Your muted instrumental
The lover to the love of all your lives
I wrote books for the ways I knew that I was too small
I destroyed a city for every memory that tempted me to believe otherwise
And cast every plan I had in the back of my head out into the breaking waves
I sat in the vibration of futures shattering against the shore and walked away

Now, I am older and more vast
But I am not so sure I believe  
That any ocean of mine
Will ever be enough to feed

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