Day 97: my brother

My brother is a big man

My hero

Protectorate

Role model

And I’m more than fortunate to have him

He’s scared away bullies and unworthy boyfriends

Kept away nightmares monsters and all that comes with them

But I’ve never been blessed enough to say that I’ve ever been there to protect

him

Even though we shared a room until he was 13

because HE was scared of what might be hiding in the dark

I know he’d do anything to protect ME

We share scars and stories to explain them

Of times when our actions were less than smart

But it was always okay in the end

And we always found the end somehow

Together

But The end has never been longed for

like this before

Whether crashed in the back of a car, drowning at pipeline, or stupidly surfing at makapu’u when the forecast promised ten feet

The end was always better

Because in the end

Duncan always kept me as safe as he could

And if he couldn’t bring me to safety

He would bring safety to me

You see sometimes I’m stubborn,

And weak

and ignorant

But Duncan is wise

when he wants to be

most importantly Duncan has always been

strong

for me

But lately he’s been sporting a new mantra

Title

He claims to be a broken souljah

And it breaks me to hear it

Because he was always

My man of steal

Unbreakable

Invincible

and so Never did I expect that a womans words would be the final weight to break through a dark skinned warriors ribcage

And place a black demon called regret on his heart

And allow its poison to sink

I learned a lot from my brother

He thinks I’ve learned more from his mistakes than his accomplishments

But I don’t think he understands how much of his life I see to be a success

I’m proud of him

And feel blessed to be able to learn form him

But this is one lesson I wish I could of learned from someone elses tears

Or accomplishment

You see

My brother and I had the same upbringing

But somehow in the future I found myself afloat watching my brother sink

And we’ve both had our fair share of heartbreaks weight

But he’s been my tangible proof that I should be more careful with the heart of a man

I never new a man could break.

And I’m ashamed to be of the same image to crack the marrow protecting the soul hidden within the beat his chest sings

Oh how his chest used to sing

But now its only screaming silence

Praying someone might feel the earth tremble when depression half heartedly solidifies

For water to flow through tired eyes

Duncan,

My brother

My dark skinned warrior

I can hear your cries

And I’m trying to be the hands I was born to be

to catch each tear before its echoes erodes the floor beneath you

Causing you to sink

Duncan I’m sorry

I’m sorry I was born second so you had to be the one to test the waters

To kill the fire

To take the trail first and allow me to follow

Im sorry I was born a step behind so I was able to hide while you took every punch life decided to throw

Duncan I’m sorry

And so I try

Fight

I strive to step ahead of you so that maybe I can start to shield you from life

But my stride is short and steps slow

But believe me

I’m trying to be your big sister

Even if age tells me I should stay bellow

I know

That sometimes

A big brother needs someone to hide behind

And I can be that

I know I seem broken

but I swear I can fix you

And though I know two halves don't always make a whole.

sometimes half a heart just stays half and hurt

I refuse for you to follow suit

Because you are better than those who wrote the rules

You are Duncan

My dark skinned warrior

Kamakanaonakuahiwi

Our gift from the mountains

The gods children

but most importantly

you are my brother

We are family

Born of blood that birthed eyes never scared of their vision

kamakawiwo’ole

one whose eyes refuse fear

but you do not have to be

one

do not have to stand alone

stand in front

we can be

two

or more

we can stand stronger as family

na maka wiwo’ole

I know the future is scary

But don’t fear the end

Remember Duncan

The end was always happy

And though the world laughs

Sways

And changes

Some things ALWAYS remain

Do not be afraid

Because

In the end

Duncan

I promise

As your little sister

We will both be happy

And it will be okay