Day 497: the things we carry

remember to count all the sunrises you watch falling over endless horizons
without oceans
all the ones you try to ignore
because they make you feel infinitely far away from home
remember how you searched for a flash the first 100 nights
until you realized that miracles dont exist for you in california
that is the weight you will carry
each green flash missed a pound on your back
while you play islander on a continent
breaking your back for experience

find yourself away from your roots
away from the ocean your grandmother is scattered in
away from the mountains where you learned to breathe
from the roots your hung yourself from in adolescence
remember that your blood
is gold serum
titanium
you hold koa spears in your pupils
iron riffles in your first
every muscle in your body was built to self destruct
like your skin
10 shades too light
building your soul into contradiction
into conflict
only your tongue can sheild you from the broken you will feel

so mold your memories into bullets
into blades
into things that can break
and sever
the you that was born
a thousand years a go
is built of worrieor breaths
of all the things we take for grated
and slip under our eyelids and skin
pretending that being something at heart is ever enough
that being here
will ever be enough
that doing all that you can will ever be enough
when its not
at least not today