"The things i know by heart"
1. when my car starts
there is a rattling under my feet
it sounds like the restlessness you swept under the sheets the last night you kissed me
smells like burnt butter
sour milk
and all the promises we never intended to keep
like forever
and all the days between
2.
every time i say or hear the world beautiful
i think of a girl who is always at least one breath too far away from this body
if i could i would let us combust just at the chance to touch every part of her at once
she is the stain on my favorite t-shirt
the warm spot on the back of my neck
the kink in my tattoo
every imperfection that i carry like a promise for tomorrow
like a glimpse into eternity
3.
the callouses on my fathers hands
fingertips left burnt by the brush of a steel
the way he can make the world sing
his reminder of our miraculousness
being constantly changed by it,
our humanity
4.
every morning i wake up next to you
is another day i spend
thinking of new ways to carry a part of you in my body
new ways to love a baby into this belly
that crack the foundations of every building that was built to separate our palms
tear the binding of every bible that did us wrong
every god that broke its promise
5.
languages to say i love you in
each one a different song
a different promise
its own expiration date
all but one
6. may 18th
june 29
july 4th
june 12th
the day i was born
and all the times i thought i might die
the few times when i was almost right
and the way looking for air brought me to you
7.
brush fires and floods
tsunamis siren at lunchtime
screamed carried over the pacific
a hollow phoneline during dinner
233, 000 dead
and counting
my computer screams recoil
the drills we never took seriously
and the bodies floating to the surface
belly up
like minnows
no chance of survival
8.
30 poems
and a phone number to call when not a single one is the right way back home
the trails we forgot to mark
the rain that told us we might be lost forever
the things i've written in the margins
in the darkness
and hid on the table
kept hidden from even myself
9.
a empty sky on a friday night
the way the stars seem to be crashing down
every time you forget to call at just the right time
the moments i spend thinking of all the beautiful things we've never done
and the days we no longer have to fill with secrets
10.
your silence in the morning
the wrinkle in your wrist
the fuzz under your chin
the kisses we sent to the moon
the indent of your fingertips on my left thigh
the craters your breathe left behind
the hole thats staring us down
the nights we slept alone because we wanted to
and the ones we didnt
the things we thought should make us happy
the drugs that didnt quite do it
the kisses that weren't enough
the arms that couldn't hold you
the words that fell short of boston
the packages i never put in the mailbox
the letters i never replied
the ocean that only pulled us home
the morning i woke up alone
the week i woke up alone
the months we called alone
the years ill spend trying to find us
under all the secrets we covered
theres something there behind the darkness
i can hear it coming closer
like the tides been truned around
you are falling further away
and i am forgetting your scent
forgetting the way home
11.
the things i know by heart
are the things that kept us tangled
they seemed to have all changed
over night
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