Thursday, July 30, 2009

Day 10: Honesty

Sometimes I sleep to the scent of cigarettes

Dream to the dancing beats of your feet stepping on plates that shift and quake

But only on mornings to fragile to support sunrises


We live in that space

Between sunsets and that first morning break

Where lovers make promises and children smile kisses

And fishes fly

Because the birds

The birds are the only angels that remind us of ourselves

And so they soar

Hevenly like jesus on Sundays

We just sit in sabeth

Trying not to betray our grandmothers wishes

And for what?

An answered prayer

Maybe just to witness something miraculous


But you

You were my miraculous sin

And you could tell every friend but not family

And I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone

I loved you


And I’ve been wondering lately

What your words meant when you said

You couldn’t fall in love with me

The first time you were honest and let tears spurt through your words

The first time you stoped lying and trying to protect me

You told me

When I held you if felt right

But only at night

Only when we were in the dark dreaming

So lately I have been wondering

What is the difference between falling in love

And falling asleep

To you?

Because I fall similarly

Heavy and quickly

But you

You’ve seem to have been struck by insomnia

I wanted to be the one to make you dream

But not of someone else

I wonder

Are you different

Do you fall in love with your eyes open

Lucid

Or is it a dream


Who’se fault is it that you never slept between me

Only laid there waiting for morning

Do I need to learn how to touch you differently

Have my hands given you reason

To slam your eyes shut just so you can see someone else

I want more honesty

I want more

Honestly

Im sorry


And I keep going around in these circles

Knowing I don’t want to be with you

Just knowing

All I need to know it what it was about me that made me unlovable?

What about me that made me unbeautiful

What about me that made you want more from someone else

I don’t want you anymore

I just want to be the betas I can be to put someone else to sleep between these arms


So baby

I feel stupid to call you but im lonely

And I didn’t think you meat it when you said you couldn’t love me

And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you did

You’d feel it to…


And maybe

Just maybe

Tell me the truth


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