Sometimes I sleep to the scent of cigarettes
Dream to the dancing beats of your feet stepping on plates that shift and quake
But only on mornings to fragile to support sunrises
We live in that space
Between sunsets and that first morning break
Where lovers make promises and children smile kisses
And fishes fly
Because the birds
The birds are the only angels that remind us of ourselves
And so they soar
Hevenly like jesus on Sundays
We just sit in sabeth
Trying not to betray our grandmothers wishes
And for what?
An answered prayer
Maybe just to witness something miraculous
But you
You were my miraculous sin
And you could tell every friend but not family
And I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone
I loved you
And I’ve been wondering lately
What your words meant when you said
You couldn’t fall in love with me
The first time you were honest and let tears spurt through your words
The first time you stoped lying and trying to protect me
You told me
When I held you if felt right
But only at night
Only when we were in the dark dreaming
So lately I have been wondering
What is the difference between falling in love
And falling asleep
To you?
Because I fall similarly
Heavy and quickly
But you
You’ve seem to have been struck by insomnia
I wanted to be the one to make you dream
But not of someone else
I wonder
Are you different
Do you fall in love with your eyes open
Lucid
Or is it a dream
Who’se fault is it that you never slept between me
Only laid there waiting for morning
Do I need to learn how to touch you differently
Have my hands given you reason
To slam your eyes shut just so you can see someone else
I want more honesty
I want more
Honestly
Im sorry
And I keep going around in these circles
Knowing I don’t want to be with you
Just knowing
All I need to know it what it was about me that made me unlovable?
What about me that made me unbeautiful
What about me that made you want more from someone else
I don’t want you anymore
I just want to be the betas I can be to put someone else to sleep between these arms
So baby
I feel stupid to call you but im lonely
And I didn’t think you meat it when you said you couldn’t love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you did
You’d feel it to…
And maybe
Just maybe
Tell me the truth
Amazing
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