I sang last 19 years worth of Sundays sitting in koa pews
Beachside
Looking out to the ocean for god
Our cross hung from the ceiling draped with cloth is the closest thing to a mast and sail I have ever witnessed from this position
When the missionaries approached the Hawaiian Islands
The natives saw god in the flags and sails
Flying crosses draped in white
A clean crucifix
Missionaries with bibles and lessons
Jesus Christ hung from their necks
Brown eyes could fix on what they couldn’t touch
Listen to what they wouldn’t preach
God was for every one to follow
But only for white men to lead
God was exclusive
God was beautiful
I want to see him like they did
Before the fear
Just excitement
Want to know him before tainted as
A faceless menace of change
All I remember from school is god
Through his white wind breath saw clean slates created with newly abolished laws
The timing for change was perfect
And for almost 200 years brown hands rose thorn prayers to the heavens for their new savior
For salvation
I was taught
I was brought up knowing god
Memorized his face without ever seeing a picture
In 1994 I was baptized in the same sea god created to transport his word to me but I saw no speeding crucifix
No jesus just water
They told me that day that GOD was watching
and so I remember my four year old eyes twitching looking for a white bearded man
reaching my brown hands for something I would never be pure enough to touch
deep. I love the tone of this piece
ReplyDeleteFinding God for the first time... it comes for some when home is no longer home and when you realize that your parents hands and those hands of the ones he holds dearly are not only brown but they are stained red... God is not a mean kid with a magnifying in front of the sun trying to burn us. God is more than our bodies can contain and so much more than our hearts can imagine. Good luck on your journey... beauteous poem...
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