Day 11: Drive by

There are no drive through movies in hawaii.

You aren't very likely to see a drive by.

But you can drive by the same souls made broken by the stray bullets of one night stands.

She wont say it

but my memory is the biggest mistake she ever made in ewa, palolo and kaimuki.

Not every person who sleeps for a night knows it wont last.

And I've learned you can tell one night stands from relationships by the speed.

And -------,

she liked it fast.

Quick and passing.

I

i liked it slow

and reoccurring.

We didn't match.

But i was determined to make our pieces fit.

I wanted to lock into her.

So i would kiss her as slow as she would let me

and between breaths i would let her sleep.

She had a problem with brutal honesty

And because of it

Im sure

She faked orgasms more than i would fake smiles when she would leave.

We didn't match.

But for some reason her beauty made me think we could.

There are no drive through movies in hawaii

but every time we made love there was a movie playing

and our love shaked the floor

made quakes enough

if you closed your eyes tight enough you might feel like you were moving.

She moved me

all the way to California

and there are still night when I sleep in my lofted dorm room bed and I can feel her breath upon me

college has taught me

sometimes orgasms sleep walk and talk

and sometimes they scream

sometimes they crawl their way under your skin

and wait for the next time you are lonely just to taunt you

because I woke up last night in orgasm

Too scared to open my eyes to be proved of your absence

So I covered my body with my hands

Pretending I had twice then I was born with

I spend my nights in the dark trying to trick myself

Pillow

Body

Blanket

Arms

Wind

Breath

Ipod

Voice

Empty space

you

I’ve created a new you in califronia

Almost as fulfilling to embrace

But my bedding doenst touch back

Doesn’t kiss me unless im sleeping

Leaving only memories behind

And im tired of broken breathes

I want cohesiveness

I want those nights back

With the tv playing nothing but silence

While songs of fool making played to our love playing

I want you back

There is no ending here

There is not closure

You aren’t close enough for me to cut these strings

And im not sorry

There is no anger

Just you, I and the truth

And im sorry

Im sorry I wasn’t enough to make you want to be part of the honesty too…