Day 296: all the things i couldn't say then

i have a birthmark on the peak of my shoulder

i always wished you would notice it

give it more of your time

i wanted my imperfections to harness your attention

but they didnt

i had so many

i didnt know what to do with them

then

so i would fling them at the ceiling while you slept

some nights i would wake u up to them

im better now

i meant to say that earlier

i have less secrets and the ones i do will never get out

i promise

ive got stronger walls

better skin

still

i find myself defined by the imperfections

the birthmarks

beauty spots

when i think of them

i think of you

and how you didnt pay them much mind

you overlooked them all

for as long as i let you

and i didnt realize until just now

how that was the best thing you could do for me

but the worst for yourself

i guess what i mean to say is,

i love you

and thank you for calling me beautiful

when i was surely

nothing more

than

a monster