Day 536: ill take it

( stream of consciousness)

i deal with the consequences
cuz the butterflies that only come back to life when you touch me
do what they can to
rip the train tracks
running on the bottom of my stomach
make it feel like
a heart could find a home somewhere in my chest again
that laughter
laughter is organic
and possible
and that love
love is something that never leaves the body
you never left my body
i can pretend
in the moment
we are smiling and laughing
and holding eachother
that everything will be alright
that you are feeling the same things i am
that you might still want me
in the end
its worth it
even if that means ill spend the rest of this night screaming to anything in this room that with listen
i know this is something you remember
and im hoping if the last time we played this game brought us together
even just for a moment
that it might do it again
these are the chances i leave to play on the tip of your tongue

i think you do the same
or i pretend
to feel it in your heartbeat
when you accidentally let me close enough to your skin
can taste it on the inside of your lips
you dare not to kiss me
but i dare to defy
baby,
somethings gotta get rid of the centipedes that crawl on my skin when i try to sleep
the ones that whisper secrets through stories
i wish i never read
the words repeat
like venom
make me ashamed of my own thoughts and heart

the hard part now is,
i do not understand
how you could disconnect yourself long enough to do what you did
but not long enough to hold me until the sunrise
until the tears dry
to kiss them away like you are supposed to
like its healthy
the lines you've draw over your mistakes dont make much sense
but we never made much either
but we could make love over this mess
call it a tragic masterpiece
people would stare
call it a disaster
but be so jealous
of everything we dared to make in destruction
know, that they will write tales of the journeys we took trying to find home in each others hearts- even when we failed to build them in stone

i guess
this is the best i can get

ill take it