Wednesday, March 10, 2010

day 323: in progress

James says some nights

He can hear Jessica tap dancing on his scull

She is easels paintbrush dancing on his memories

Rhythmic broken screaming in his eardrum

When do you sleep James?

When are your thoughts silent enough to dream to?

Does Jessica ever feel like a lullaby?

James the last time I held you

it was two hours until night

two hours until I could feel your mind flip

dive into conversations one after the other

with persons stuck somewhere in the space between your ears

dancing along the place where your thoughts use to be

james calls his mother dreamer

and she tells him at sunrise

there is nothing in the dark of your mind

but he

he knows she doesn't know what teddy bears turn into in the dark

at sunset

she only sees her son turned christopher robin holding childhood too tight

and jessica is the only one who never forgets to kiss him goodnight

sometimes james mothers forgets what name he answers to so she slings silent prayers to her son


there is no room for more voices between his ears

there is already too much clutter there

james whats it feel like to fear everything

the sound of your breath

your own heartbeat

are you ever afraid of your own reflection

convinced that you are not there today?

They say skitsofrania is is a mental disorder characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality.

But reality

Reality is not being able to sleep because there is someone tap dancing on your skull


Is loving your self so much that you don’t know how to survive the pain of no one agreeing with you


Is a 12 year old boy sitting alone at lunch

Left with nothing but his perception

Maybe we are all seeing something from the wrong angle

Maybe today james is sane

And we are all blocking out consciousness in fear of being too james like

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