Day 437: scars

lately,
i’ve been disguising my scars as promises
showing my body to beautiful women
saying
drink me in
-she tells me im gorgeous
but all im thinking about is how im drowning
my gills have turned hard, scar like
like promises
secrets
I try not to keep
they are useless

i want to tell her,
i’ve got soft hands and a strong grip
the kind that makes you want it to last
the kind that feels like love when its not
we are those kind of space takers
these are not promises
they are something more broken
they are blood and tears
they are the parts that the others wont let me name forgotten
these are the parts of me you wont miss
I promise

The parking lot is half full most days
Of complaints and reminders of things I said and didn’t quite mean
Im trying to mean more of what I say
Think more before I breathe
you see,
i let my self daydream into easier realities
i pretend that i am good at this
when in truth
i am new to these kinds of forks
i’m still trying to figure out how i got here
where these vibrations began
i must admit
i am pretty clueless

place your skin between my fingertips
lie there for a minute
let me hold you naked
like, i’ve known you forever
be something famaliar
and easy to return to
these are the things im thinking and throwing out to the horizon

but really,
all i want to say is run
run till the sky turns to ocean
past the last broken sound barrier
and even then
dont look back
dont stop

never return
everything is broken here already
this is not a place to build your fortress