Day 651: AFter illiterate

Brushing your hardness i am a child
who scrapes at the worlds core in his mind
and you might promise this was because the wourld was unfamiliar
but, truth is, the child'had never had a world so full
and now he is both afraid of hat it means
and ashamed because he had no other means
to find out how it screams than to beg a lying god

his dream could have left questions to him
or his future unfolding... before his time
or the darkness changed calling him back
weakened world in hand he keeps it with him
what would you suspect his feeling for the sku
that keep him confused
adult
and returning

Day 650: Swr 11- revised

Some mornings I dream of being steel
Stainless
Whole
But I have fractures at every seam
Cracks
Alone, I am incapable of being whole it seems
But there is a surprise so miraculous in this team
Of the ability to build broken bodies into something like success
Something like a promise
A block S on our chest
A target we've painted for ourselves in tangibles like tries
Like victories in the darkness nights
To defeats in the brightest mornings
We are sorcerers of the night sky
Painting prophecy in our stride

Knowing not why
Other than for the blood and tears of the family at your side
And the joy in this game
Of bone dust
And painkillers
Of braces
And ice baths
Of concussions
And overtimes
We know
This is the only home where heroes are born from themselves
Where the plain can be built into titans
From earth
And blood
We wonder
How far we can travel til we crumble
How fast til we fracture
How strong til we quake at every corner
Only remembering the ruble of past victories and defeats in the lining of our ribcages

Do not be mistaken
We are not what we seem
We are not yesterday’s hope for tomorrow
We can defy expectations
Even when we falter
When we fail
Implode
Crumble
Turn dust
Even when we bleed

So tomorrow
When the body wants to break
When every part of you dreams of crumbling
Of folding yourself into something less
Something small
And easy
Remember the letters we stitched onto our chests
The promises we made in every step
Remember the family at your side
Remember why
All the early mornings and late nights
The moments when you wanted to quit
Thought you couldn’t do it
And the times
The girl standing next to you
Showed you how to piece yourself back together
To make each part of you stronger for breaking
Showed you how to work
Harder
Fight
Harder
Than you ever imagined
Surprised you with how she could make you feel like more of a miracle than you ever dreamed


Remember all the whys and whens
For her
Every single one of them
That every minute
And every step
Was a choice
One that we made together
Promising not to leave any one behind
That is why
And at the end of the day
We are more than the tries and more than the games
We are ever single drop of sweat
Every step
Every promise
Every hope and dream
Whether we realize yet
That being together
Staying together
Through it all
Makes all the other dreams, wishes and successes crumble to ash in comparison

Day 649: bleh

On Apr 29, 2011, at 4:44 PM, Jamaica Osorio wrote:

some mornings the martyrs in this marrow fantasize of fracturing bones
Dream how my irises might change color on impact
wondering
beyond body limits
beyond warnings
crack cartilage
brave me with your danger
damage
please
shatter me
within the lace of your leather skin

some mornings i dream of being steel
stainless
whole
but i have fractures at every seam
cracks
i am incapable of being whole it seems
but there a surprise so miraculous in this team
of the ability to build bodies into something like success
something like a promise
A block S on our chest
a target we've painted for ourselves in tangibles like tries
like victories in the darkness nights
to defeats in the brightest mornings
we are sorcerers of the night sky
painting prophecy in our stride

knowing not why
other than for the blood and tears of the family at your side
and the
joy in this game
of bone dust
and painkillers
of braces
and ice baths
of concussions
and overtimes
we know
this is the only home where heroes are born from themselves
Where the plain can be built into titans
from earth
and blood
we wonder
how far we can travel til we crumble
how fast til we fracture
how strong til we quake at every corner
Only remembering the ruling of past victories and defeats in the lining of our ribcage

We are not what we seem
We can defy expectations
And the lies that ranks and our opponents say to themselves
Even when we falter
When we fail
emplode
Crumble
turn dust
Even when we bleed
there is a potention to be set aflame
born again
but
sometimes we forget,
pain doesnt always hurt
sometimes its our strongest parts
sometimes its what keeps us going
sometimes its the voice in the back of your mind
that wont let you stop
rest
heal
because being whole
pristine
glass
sparkling at the edges
sometimes
thats hell knocking at your doorstep
a constant reminder
of every bit of life you neglected to live
So tomorrow
When the body wants to break
When every part of you dreams of crumbling
Of folding yourself into something less
Something small
Remember the letters we sketched onto our chest
The promises we made in every step
Remember the family at your side
Remember why
All the early mornings and late nights
the hills
and that every step we take is a choice.
one we make together
the only rule, everyone must finish.

Day 648:

10 steps to becoming a champion

1.
take every part of you that is weak
make a list
promise yourself that the broken parts aren't permanent
remember every champion that ever lived was born unable to walk
and was just as determined to run

2.
remember your morality is something to marvel at
that there is a miracle in the breath of your chest
a promise in you step
that working hard and success are only heavy and beautiful
because they make this life more than just waiting for tomorrows and death

3.
find a team that will cover you like family
a group that will let you carry them up a mountain
and will refuse to let you climb alone
that will love you like its natural


ask for help when you need it
send smoke signals to any body that will listen
remember
you will only be left behind if you ask to be
or refuse to lift yourself up from your own fear

Day 647: huh

we bend our bodies into promises
into vows
we say
that there is something magical about the letter we've had stitched onto our chest
a block s
like red target

Day 646: to William carlos williams

A portrait of a lady

You hands are like scraps of diamonds
A treasure still to be found in the rough
But what could be rough here?
Not our lives
Nor your skin
Perfect blend of morning and skyline
You are a promise of a sunrise
A beautiful picture I’ve snapped and placed in my back pocket
When I think of you
I think of the sky folding itself into marble sized galaxies
Things I can carry with me
It seems silly
To you
Im sure
But these are the secrets I scream at you while you sleep
Do you ever hear me?
I wonder
Like wondering will take me anywhere near an answer
I mean,
What is an answer anyway
Why would I ask for one
There is something beautiful about this mystery
When I lay up late at night
Thinking to myself
Asking god
Do you think tomorrow,
She’ll stay?

Day 645: happy birthday

even the sun cries when it sets sometimes
knowing the next time
wont be quite like the last
that its life
is spiraling away into infinity
at a speed that no one can grasp
that is how i feel about you
and getting older
and the inches you've added to your shins since 2008
and the special days like these
and the ones between
that were all the same
all equally mundane
how i missed them
and cried to every sky i could find
hoping one of them
would cover your ocean for long enough for you to notice
that i miss you like oxygen
like chicles and ice cream on a hot rainy day
because here
when the sky falls
it pours
and theres nothing warm about it
our ocean is brown
and our mothers
the ones we've constructed dont love us like the ones we were born to
and no one here
has a sister quite like you
a least not enough to make this distance a little more beautiful

today you are 15 years old
i and remember the first morning i held you
the moment mom and dad told me i wasnt going to be the baby any longer
i remember you first, 2nd third, fourth firth and every birthday since
even the ones i've missed
i remember them like promises i've made to myself to return
like the keep sakes that keep me in place

there is a ocean i've traded for you arms
its called the pacific
they say
we were born of this water
traveled in every direction there is to wonder
that the sea
was charted
only by our imagination
there is a truth to this that you cannot yet understand
but soon you will
know
how the ocean folds itself up every night
before i go to sleep
i send you a prayer
a promise that i will return
and i find myself
at least for a moment
a little bit closer
a little bit more
like a sister

Day 644: the strong parts, they're beautiful too

Dress me to willow in your wonder
To crater in your belly
To ocean in your fingertip
Turn the language ON ITS TOES
Wardsback then forward
Find me a home on the nape of your neck
Break me
Unconditional
Like beauty
Folded over your skin
Like promises
Like tomorrows
Like I’ve turned every part of you
Downside up
Outside in
Call me the sin you’ve kissed into dark closets
The secret you whispered into song
Im a woman you don’t know how to belong
Don’t know how to place
Traced the same skin to a different mold
Folding prophecy only into questions
We are the bent brothers of a lost generation
Because our bodies
Have forgotten the meaning of this sex
Love doesn’t seem to put the pieces back right
We are only the remains of houses
That were burnt by sorcerers in the night
Our miracle
Was the fact that we survived
Our miracle
Was the morning we lived to pray to
Our miracle
Was a smile we hid in the backs of our eyes
The muscle we forged from steel
Learned to make the beautiful parts hard
Straight
Strong
Like jawlines
Sholderblades
Things that can break
But wont
Not today
There is too much at stake in this body
In this story
I’ve got a promise
That tastes like a secret under my skin
Wont you stay long enough to listen

Day 643: sweden sings (take 2)

There’s beat hidden in this street
Speaks like stories spread between friends
I’ve seen nothing like Sweden in spring
The bling of 20-karat smiles
Shaped by the sunrise
Where 45 degrees
Means it’s the warmest it’s been in weeks
You’ll find me huddled in the warmth of a corner pharmacy
While blond blue eye beauties
Break bread with the steam of their breath
How their mouths foam at the edges
See me
Call me American
Call the tone of this skin
Secret
The shape of this body
silent
the stone wall in my skin
these fist
find solace in the soles of me
kissing bricks
like it’s a dance
like it’s a promise
to make music

Day 642: sweden song

I found you
Harmonizing with the subtle sound of morning
The silence of our sunrise
You’ve turned to music
Left even the right smiling
Here
I am cold
Freezing
Almost
But your body is a fur coast during winter
A promise of protection
You wont have yourself being confused as foreign
Not in the center of your homeland
Not while you walk laying bricks under you
Building this city from your soles
up

Day 641: Revised

Your brother dies
and the last of the electricity in his body
Will shoot its way through every cell in you bloodstream
send smoke signals to the parts of you that have forgotten the texture of his breath
Leaving you paralyzed, holding something heavy
Casket like

You pull yourself out of his grave
And you will find only the tracks of your mother’s departure
How her heels cracked the foundation of the earth
leaving the tectonic plates bare
you will hang on the edges
Barren

When the sky finally falls
It will not all come down at once
Nothing above you will shatter and break like you imagined
Rather
With a crack of thunder you will witness the blue fracture
And parts of the universe will fall over your body

Shaking it off and Letting go will be like watching the ice melt
And still there will be a space
Left full
And you will pray to be emptied
Of it all

Day 640: haiku

tell me you love me
while your lips are stained with sin
aint it all the same

Day 639: haiku

running out of words
holding each other in ice
where to hearts learn warmth

Day 638: we say

we say things like the ocean is swallowing us alive
where really
is the tone of your breathe
skipping stones over my skin
i've forgotten the rhythm
the frequency
that love flourishes at
so we stay silent

Day 637:

forget not
how love holds you
maybe not when you are miles away
but when you need it the most

DAy 636: europe

the men here walk like the street is crumbling beneath them
and stick to the back of your neck like sour sweat
make you wish for the personal bubble you've left
in your americas
white washed
white collar that asks everything to stay
stay at least an arms length away

Day 635: love

i've written too many sonnets for the breath of your distance
i want something to bring us closer to home

Day 634: sweden

while i am here
the world is almost upside down
or at least turned sideways
i cannot remember the look of morning
what day is it anyways?

Day 633: Poetri's workshop

there is something about your breath that grounds me

ho your heartbeat feel more like a clock than my own

so much that ive grated parts of our history and left it over every poem ive ever written

DAy 632: back yard

When you left
the edges of my body sunk into themselves
there was a hole i remember
you digging
i couldnt find
like you
it s gone
and i was trying my hardest
not to be left behind
not to be forgotten
not to be angry
that you
could bring yourself to sever these roots
after everything i did to cradle and catch you
from the first and last time you tried to fly
i was there
folding out blankets of myself
letting you dig into me
your own grave

Day 631:

my mother learned to jump her way to stillness
we know
she wanted
her children
grown strong
but we failed
so instead
she wished for the night to release her

she waited while her sky shattered into fireflies to be freed
felt her
skin dissolve
into atmosphere
i found her at the bottom of it all
still
as decisions
where she left
all her love
all her failure
hers
now mine
to hold

Day 630: Moon

You will only nottice her absence
how she doesnt shine
whemn she dont
how she doesnt love
when she wont
how the sky
looks more like the ocean
when shes gone
and theres nothing
to hold the ocean in place
and there no one willing to take a count
and the sky could fall
now
and you wouldnt notice
with out a reference
in this space
and you wouldnt care
cuz the moons already gone
what you gonna marvel at anyways?

Day 629: bruised

Born crimsons son's
burning brown into sunrise
mothers and their tongues
beaten into the background
the foreground is a mistake
misplaced measures
make tomorroe
for the better
or worse
we stand on someone shoulders
our souls stopping their fire

my mother was born a gypsi
they hung her
beads on lady liberty
your father a shy man
had no bruises
in his bones

Day 628: A promise

That our bodies would last forever, that
our screams wouldnt turn to dust,
we would build us a beautiful song
that our distance was something to fear
mother hung it over a bass line
tapped along when our fingertips wanted
covered the streets with a story
barried our tears in the rubble of rhythm
the body dont have
any other way
not another road to flatten
not another sculpture to build
not another promise to lie
a mother watched over the broken
a line of bricks lain in the path
so that our bodies may have somewhere to remember
where there is nothing left
but song

Day 627: The Funeral is a Homecoming

I.
You climbed out of the grave
Thinking you’d find him there
Beyond the mound
How far could you have wondered
when every island we ever loved was now a woman who forgot how to stay

II.
When your mother left
The heels of her shoes cracked the foundation of the earth
Left the tectonic plates bare
We hung on the edges
Barren
Pretending we were home and warm where we were
But we were nothing
Not near that what we remembered

III.
There is a space that has been left full
We have avoided empting
In your absence
As to show respect we hung
Parts of our memories
when we thought you’d return
if you had the choice to

IV.
Letting go was like watching the ice melt
Knowing when we woke up
For a moment
We wouldn’t recognize the world
If we had to
We’d look at old pictures
And smile like muscle memory told us
Itll be okay
Your mother insists
We aren’t quite there yet

V.
The day your brother dies his first memory
Rather
Your first one of him
Will shoot its way through every ounce of water in your body
Will send tsunamis tumbling through your blood stream
Make you feel alive
Then your pulse with thicken like cooled chocolate
And you
will remember he is not missing
He is not returning
You are only remembering

VI.
When the sky finally falls
Like you have waited for it to
It will not all come down at once
Nothing above you with shatters and break like you imagined
Rather
With a crack of thunder you will witness the blue fracture
And parts of the universe will fall over your body
Making you heavy
Unable to move any longer

VII.
When they find you
Where you left yourself
They will ask the hard questions that you should refuse to answer
Like why are you here
Broken
Of all places
Shouting to the gods
Asking them to take you
Why haven’t you moved on
From this place
yet

VIII.
When your mother finally returns
Most likely on accident
She will call you a failure
At getting away
A failure at being more
Than she
A failure at healing
It will be the first time you have spoken in centuries
But the distance between you will shorten with the seconds
When she pulls you in
You will see parts of your bother in the craters of her pupils
You will remember why you needed her
Why you missed her too
When he was the only one
Who wasn’t coming back

Day 626: Routine

The first morning you wake up alone
You will feel the thickness of the air under your tongue
You will throw away all of the lists you ever made
Curse god for his imperfection
You will throw salt over your right shoulder hoping to strike anything that calls itself good
Square in the eye

You will call every prayer a mistake
Every laugh, a lie
The parts of you that are left
Will declare war on the parts that remember
Dismantle the parts that are cracked and severed but refused to break off
You resist the healing

The first night you find yourself sleeping in an empty ocean of sheets
You will curse in every way you know how
To the softens you once dreamt to
When you fall into the darkness
Into the rhythm of your slumber
A part of you dies there
Every time
That is the only promise you allow yourself to make
For months
Sometimes years

And then a part of you moves
in a way you have forgotten
a mistake is made
in the best of ways
something disrupts the rhythm
the routine of pain starts to sting
makes your body break in the only way it still can
there is a day
when waking is no longer shaking the dry and used parts of yourselves to dust
and you find your body covered in earth
fragments
parts of you hidden in the cracks that were left when your world changed
and she left you
alone
with nothing
but the mo(u)rning

Day 625: Arcturus

On opposite ends of the world
We lie alone
Trying to come together

Something changes, we are moved
Our body finds home in the empty sheets
And make love somewhere near the milky way

A part of you breaks
leaving shards of yourself like crumbs behind
I am rising from the east, looking for your stillness

There are parts of me I’ve left
Too you would find me if you could
But body escapes-

You are left like the morning without a moon waning
To remind you of the days
You count the parts of you that remain the same

As the night changes
The stars leave scars the size of heartbreak under our skin
We build our bodies into stronger things

A part of me thinks
A part of you too
We stand in the stillness

Beyond the Milky Way
Between the constellations
I am looking for you

Under the moon

Day 624: 10 things i know to be true (part 1)

10 things i know to be true

1.
i know that this body is temporary
that this skin
is only the shrapnel of our universes most recent explosion
that my heart is made of my ancestors tears
that the water in my belly is just as blue as the ocean
that my hair is a reminder of a femininity that i have been too terrified to hold since birth
i know tat these things are easier to remember in the dark
when no one is listening
watching
when no one can see
no one can watch the water fall out of me
like the ocean does sometimes

2.
i know that when lighting strikes
there is a part of the soil that stands up straight
that you can see the effect in 100 miles in each direction
and its leaves its scar behind until the next time the world explodes
that someday
a curious little girl will find where the sky touched the dirt and call the crator beautiful
she will leave parts of herself there
promising to return
but she will walk away
and forget how he and the soil are the same

3.
i know that when i cry
i am making a promise to grow
that there cannot always be fire burning here
sometimes its settles in rainfall
that being broken is just a part of the process of being beautiful

4.
i know that my mother loves me
that every inch of her body shivers when i am too far away to touch
that there are stories she will never tell me
the kind that leave you cut up on the inside
on how loving me as a child was heartbreaking
i know this
because i can feel myself shattering when thinking about my daughters to come
how holding them will never feel like enough

5.
i know that she will never forget what it felt like for me to betray her
how the silence i let slip between our skins
left every bit of her body to convulse
she will remember how i left her in lies
hung up the parts of our love that werent enough on her doorstep
just to taunt her
i know this because
i've felt the same vibration send shivers and quakes


(to be continued)

Day 623: morning

Someday's
i feel like i'm pulling parts of myself through my pours
to be here
is to watch the ocean
melt itself into tears
i feel forgotten in the mornings
by evening
i'm barely solid
i've left shards of myself behind
like tracks hoping id find them
on the way back home