Day 406: black/white

Its Wednesday
The tar Mack is 2 days away
I can feel the rattling landing gear from my bunk bed
Where we sleep
There is silence in the time that flies between us
I can hear your heartbeat in my dreams
In your silence
Im waiting for tomorrow to stop coming so we can wait in that space between the days
Between the lines
We have stories we aren’t sure of just yet
Feelings that aren’t yet completely understood
So we paint each other grey in our sleep and dream of something more solid
Wishing to either wake up at the end or begging to be
Black or white
Our indecision makes us nauseous
Dizzy
Im spinning form the inside out
My butterflies are puking during our downtime
And im holding your hand in hopes that it will keep me upright
Im tired of falling alone
Or watching other fall without me
Im keeping your memory in my back pocket
Trying to keep you close to my body
Under the weight of my existence
Im carrying you to the bottom of the ocean with me
And we are waiting for clarity
But its been raining
Our homeland is eroding itself and its hard to tell which way is up
So we suffocate each other when we touch
But we love the feeling
So we are both drowning in each others affection
Forgetting to come up for air
Realizing the bottom looks perfect
Taste perfect
Feels perfect
tiIl its town from your feet and you are flying
the rumbling landing gear disturbs our sleep
the engines of our departures overpower our goodbyes
sometimes
dreams are better off grounded than in the sky
sometimes
night it meant for sleep
but its hard when you don’t have many left
so tomorrow
lets wake ourselves at dawn and live until the next sunrise in that moment
learn to hold each other from a distance
cradle our own voices and breathe
learn to find solace in the silence
the rattling static
learn to travel light and alone but with a purpose
so that when the ocean spits us up
naked
broken
and tired
we might finally have the strength
or conviction to forfeit our grey matter and
bring ourselves to live in black or white