Day 53: more than anyone

My father

At age 58

Has no issues with aging

And yet

Sleeps a lot less like a rock and more like a toddler

He sits all 180 ponds

like a boulder

But to me he seems weightless

Like four am morning drives to nowhere and back

And I wait

Hoping that back is part of his plan

Because I know

More than anyone

The need to believe like a car can fall off the side of the planet

When you drive with no objective or destination

But I hope that’s not HIS intention

My mother says he wakes at the wake of his nightmare caused by issues he wont see people to deal with

people

Strangers

I know why

Because I’ve made myself familiar with my options

Light skinned men and women with x-ray emotional classes

Meant to cut straight through each person’s protecting bubble bodies like butter

spend more time taking notes and analyzing our words instead of just listening

there is something all therapist refused to see in me

an element I know they would find in my father if he let them

we are immune to their solutions

because

Sometimes

all you need is a friend

Someone who will listen

And index cards filled with half shappen answers to fit each situation aren’t Reponses

Tears and shivers are request for hugs and kisses

Embraces

Not reused meaningless three letter responses

And until a paid therapist will break the barrier of notepads, pens and glasses to reach out a hand to someone like my father

To me they are useless

And so am I