Day 722: warfare

"how come the only way to see how high you get me is to see how far i fall"

i am afraid to write the kind of poem it takes to be remembered
most nights
when i think of you
i think of a woman who is afraid to be and not be alone
simultaneously
i am afraid to write a poem that makes you self respectful enough to realize your selfishness
im selfish too
you know,
i keep you here
will not let you leave me behind
to be gone

i am afraid
some mornings
that i wont make it to sunset
that i step off the ledge a minute too quick
a minute before you realize im here waiting for you
that we can be the definition of too late
too far gone
i could be a pillar
a tombstone
"beloved daughter and sister"
a promises to be nothing more
and nothing to you
i could be the tragedy struck into the electric of your eyes

"how come the only way to see how high you get me is to see how far i fall"
how come falling feels so familiar
how come i never learned to hold on to something stable
that doesnt fall
crack
and break
like a hammer