day 724: believing

at this exact moment
i am the only person i the entire universe
who believes that after everything we've been through
you being the right one for me is enough
you cant even begin to imagine
how hollowing that can be

it leaves me wondering a few tings

1.
if tonight
my courage got the best of me
and i sent my self to the moon
how long would it take for you to change your trajectory
how strong is my gravity on you, if at all
how many miles, can i move you

2. how many times a day
do you find yourself sobered by the thought of me
how many minutes do you spend actually wanting us to work
and how many are you wondering how if would feel to give parts of me away to men i'd never be able to forgive

3.
do you ever dream to the texture of my body
to the tone of my touch
the vibrato in my kiss
these are the parts of you
i cant seem to shake from my skin
have i left you trembling too
when you cry
if you ever do
is it ever for the part of my chest that has been gutted
or it if for the bodies
that are still covered
the ones you may never touch
because of my present
do you resent me for loving you
with all that i have
ever insignificant piece of me
does my smile remind you
of how much more the world can give you
that i cannot
of everything you want
that can be found in fragments of men you've already had
but not enough of

4. do you think im crazy
for believing
for putting my body
to be laid under your anvil
to let the people you care for
walk over me like a welcome mat
on their way to you
i wonder if you remember
what it feels like to be spat on
by the lovers of the one you love
it feels like a poisoned promise
like a broken future
like a dangerous promise

~~
at this moment
i am the only person in this world
who believes we can work
i wonder if you can hear me through your slumber
scratching at your horizon
pleading with you to give me
a little less of this pain
and a little more of your faith