Day 754: How to move on after 2 years 6 months and 4 days

1.
take a deep breath
memorize the way it stings against the acid in the back of your chest
take another
dont bother speaking
keep swallowing
take another
as many as you need until they start taking themselves
this rhythm is the closest you'll ever get to god
get to perfect

2.
let your heart beat as hard and loud as it wants
when it screams
listen
when its silent
play songs on your guitar
dont ever let the music stop
dont ever let your body stop

3.
print all the pictures
put them in a shoe box
make it fit
let the memory flow over
hide it
but never forget its there
let it collect dust
until your first daughter has her first broken heart
and then let her see that movement happens
that she will over come
that this too shall pass
even the realest of loves cannot build a masterpiece of oceans that arent meant to touch

4.
delete all the text messages
everything from 2009 til today
reliving the history will not allow you to keep your feet moving
it is time for a clean slate

5.
do not forget
never tell yourself that is the way out
she has given you more than enough to deserve to keep a part of your heart and memory
dont you dare try to be so selfish to take that away from her

6.
remember to eat
and sleep
even if nothing about your body wants to be whole
remembering that being weak physically will only slow the process

7.
tell all the people
with the eyes that wreak of pity
of "i told you so"'s and "itll get better's" to fuck off and go to hell
mean it
they need to hear it so they can learn that whatever they are doing will not help you through this
teach them to be better for their next friend who feels like this

8.
avoid your fathers eyes
his hands
he is where all the healing is
but you are not ready for that kind of confession
so wait
until the time is right
you will know

9.


10.
leave part of the poem open
you do not have all the answers
and thats okay
if you did
you wouldnt still be crying
when you have a better idea of how to heal
make a revision

11.
take a deep breath
keep your feet moving
you will get there
have faith