she has proven in her actions
that i am only truly beautiful enough for love when i am broken
only desirable when i am in too many pieces to hold in two hands
i was hauled away into love while shattered and then dropped at my own doorstop when i was too easily held
to conformable
too much healed
and i am not yet shattered
but i think she believe that is she breaks me she might love me enough again to fix me
darling, my heart is not that simple
its beat is not perfect it scratches like vinyl against the inside of my chest
it follows no metronome other than its own
i know i am new to this feeling
but i like being hole
and i cannot break myself again for your happiness and comfort
i cannot play this game of go away dont leave me
i cannot handle the similarities
i understand im the one who fucked up first
but you said you would wait for me to grow
and when i did you realized that if i am bigger than you, you dont actually want me.
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