Day 40: speechless

i dont want to say i love you anymore

everything i love breaks

melts like butter

moves too quickly form my fingertips and leaves only stains behind

i do not want to say it

so i wont

i'll hold it in my bones like our blood holds oxygen

just to survive

i need to keep my love to myself

its been fleeting for so long

i need it to keep standing

i need you to keep standing

i need to keep standing

i do not want to give myself away anymore

not to late night drives

or college goodbyes

not to best friends

or girlfriends

i want to hold myself in this space behind my walls that i had forgotten i built before i met you

i do not want to say i love you anymore

so in my silence

sing yourself to sleep

my words will no longer have a frequency

i will not speak

i do not want to say i love you anymore

and im not sure if i can keep that between split lips

so from now on, ill just be speechless